Sunday, November 16, 2008

You notice certain things more when you're TTC

So the first thing you notice when you start TTC is how many pregnant people are around you. And as time drags on and you are still not pregnant and there are even more pregnant people around you. You may even start to feel your presence aides in other people's fertility. Then, to top it all off, "Pregnant Man" announces s/he's preggers again.

But recently, I started noticing all the IF around me. I consider myself fairly young to be sitting in the RE's office worried whether I'll ever have kids or not, but I'm certainly not the only one my age. During the time I've spent in the waiting room there I have seen more women that appear to be around my age rather than women that appear to be nearing the later part of their fertile years (for lack of a better term).

IF's everywhere once you start paying attention.

In my own neighborhood, one of my neighbors has IVF twin boys, and I have a new neighbor that during our initial conversation asked me if I had any children. I said no and then she said something like "We don't either, we tried but couldn't". Wow. She didn't even know me and was able to admit that to me. I can't even admit to people that I even want children yet. When people ask me if I'm planning on having kids, I give some bull about "not wanting to give up my freedom" or "I've only been married for 1 2 years." (I used to say that I was waiting for democrat in the White House again, but that excuse won't work anymore.)

There is a fair amount of IF in my office. Our secretary had some terrible problems maintaining pregnancies... truly heartbreaking stories. Another person experienced secondary IF with her second and then a "surprise" third. And one of my coworkers married only a year ago, but I know he and his wife were planning on TTC very quickly (they were buying baby furniture off another employee before they were even married) and so far no news, so I will assume that things may not going as well as planned.

My other SIL started trying several months ago and hasn't had any luck yet and I'm really worried that she could be looking at some IF problems. I have let her know about some of my experiences hope she can learn from those and get things moving quickly since she's in her mid 30's and has some family health issues.

When I was in college, both of my department's secretaries were childless. One would say she "wasn't blessed with any babies," and another, "We gave it five years and nothing happened, so we said that was it." Those words weren't too miraculous to me then, but they are now.

There are so many people I have known throughout my life that didn't have children. I assumed that most of them did not want kids (and that's probably true for many), but for others, they put up a shield and I didn't learn to recognize that shield until I started fashioning my own.

I really hope I have a kid, because I don't think I'll ever be so well adjusted that I can tell someone, "I just wasn't blessed," or "We just weren't able."


Rose said...

Hi, I saw your blog on your post on Non Classic PCOS and I wanted to give you some support. I have non classic adrenal hyperplasia, and have a one year old boy. It was a loooooooong road, I had two miscarriages and ttc for over two years. From start to finish it was three years to get our son, but of course, he was worth it. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I know, the pregnant man just gave birth in June! And he's pregnant again! And due next June. Ugh.

I just found your blog through referrals in my blog stats. Thanks for listing my blog as a favorite. I didn't think anyone read my blog.

I feel somewhat lame for not being more open about infertility, but I also need to protect myself from all the stupid things people say. It took us 7 months of trying before we told ANYONE, and we've only told five people. Once (if) we have a baby, I will probably be more open about it, because I think it is important for people to know how common it is. But for now, my sanity and privacy are more important.

Erica said...

Everywhere I turn it seems another family member, friend, or unwed acquaintance is pregnant. I just found out through the grapevine that a cousin is going to try IVF soon so I don't feel quite so alone in the family now. I've gotten to the point where I feel bitter about going to baby showers. I know I should be happy for them...