Wednesday, December 3, 2008

End of Year Review

Yesterday was my end of year review with my boss. I think it went well. I like my boss, he's a really good guy and a good manager. I like my company. That said, occasionally, certain things get to me. Like the fact that I work for a mid sized engineering firm and there a very few female engineers (I'm an engineer), and I'm not sure that their are any female project managers. And I don't think their are any black people employed by my company, at least I haven't met any, but we have several offices, so maybe their is someone I don't know. I'm not implying that my company discriminates, it's just that most engineers in this country are white men. That will have to change at some point. (I guess I should note that DH is a white, male engineer.)

But all that aside, I still like my job and company and my review went well. When we got to the end my boss asked me if their was anything else we need to discuss. I said no. We talked some more. Then he asked me again. And I hesitated, but I said yes.

Last year at my end of year review, I told him that I had health issues that made me believe that I couldn't put off having children till a better point in my career and me and DH were going to start trying.

So this year, I reminded him of what I said last year and gave a bit of an update that went something like this, spoke very fast:

Well, you know, for some people it just happens, but not for me. So now I'm seeing a specialist 30 min away, and I'm lucky that's all the farther I have to go. And I never really know very far in advance when I will need to take off and go there. It depends on whether certain things happen and I might just wake up one morning and need to go. So I'm kinda unpredictable right now. And they have me on hormones and they have side effects. And I can be kinda grumpy on them, but so far the worst problem has been the splitting headaches. And I'm really worried about my treatments continuing. They might get very expensive and we've prepared, it's just that it makes me more anxious and that's the real problem. You hate to spend the money and feel like your throwing it away. And if I do get pregnant, I have a 45% risk of miscarriage for the particular problem that I have. So the road is long and scary and covered with land mines. It's great. No, just kidding, it's not, that was a lie. It's terrible. (laugh nervously) And I'd tell you more but I'm sure that you don't want to know the details (Boss: No, I don't). But it's really hard. I have to wake up in the middle of the night every night and take my temperature. And the secretary is suspicious of why I've been coming and going and I'm just going to let her think what she wants (nosey secretaries are so cliche). And now you probably better understand why I was so upset about the pharmacy closing the other week, and....

Well, after I got done with the verbal puking about my infertility, I felt better, except for the splitting headache that must have been caused by my blood pressure spiking. My boss understood and was fine. I think he appreciates knowing. He wished be good luck. I said that I would take it.

I felt like that character Judy Grimes played by Kristen Wiig on SNL.

Oh, yeah, and I finished the prometrium last night, so if anyone has seen Aunt Flo, please send her my way.

2 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

Hello,

I too have PCOS and know all to well the miscarriage risk. Its awful and people don't understand!

Unfortunately I am begining my 2ww so I haven't seen AF in awhile, but I hope she comes soon for you!

birdsandsquirrels said...

That's great that you can be open and honest about ttc with your boss, especially in a male dominated field. I know in my previous job, I would have not have been able to tell my boss, since saying that you are planning to have kids soon was basically painting a target on your own back. Totally illegal, but true.

Now I'm looking for a job, while ttc, and I keep thinking that if I actually do find a job, how am I going to explain all the doctor's appointments I'm going to have? If I disclose that I'm doing fertility treatments, who would hire me?