Saturday, December 20, 2008

I'm not THAT girl

I really wanted to be that girl. The girl that gets pregnant on her second clomid cycle. Who is she?

Surely she exists, but do you know her? No one does. If you honestly think that you could be the quick clomid success story you wouldn't be spilling your guts on the internet and crying your heart out every time you hear a friend is pregnant, right?

I really wanted to be that girl. I keep optimistically thinking that all I need to do is ovulate and that will be it. But I never ovulate. And when I don't ovulate it just reminds me that I'm no where near being that girl.

As I've journeyed along in the Land of IF I've met plenty of PCOS women. Funny, smart, wonderful PCOS women that deserve babies. A lot of them ovulate (by natural and artificial means) but they don't get pregnant... or sometimes they do but, sadly, it doesn't last. For some reason I think it will be different for me... once I ovulate. I'm getting off this island... as soon as I ovulate. But I see all these other women that are doing everything right and yet they remain here. I fear they foreshadow my own fate.

Please let this cyst go away and let me ovulate on my next cycle (and get pregnant, deliver a healthy baby).

6 comments:

Celia said...

I know. I always believe every month will be "the month" no matter how I try to prepare myself. This month will most likely be BFN # 34. But I am sure that I'll test all the way to the bitter end.

Good Egg Hunting said...

Oh I have been there -- to be honest, my own experience with Clomid was really disappointing. I, too, thought it could be the silver bullet (since my ob/gyn when I was first married made it seem so easy -- he called it "fertility lite" and said it would get me pg) but sadly it did not do much for me. But know there are other medicines out there that DO make us PCOS girls ovulate if Clomid is not the thing for you (have you asked about Femara, another possibility before injectables?). I have been told multiple times that young PCOS patients are an RE's dream -- it's just a matter of finding the thing that brings those eggs. So try and keep the faith. Believe me I have been there and it is frustrating and difficult but all the signs point to us getting and staying pregnant eventually. Hopefully it will be your next cycle.

Kischa said...

I know what you mean, although my nemesis is endometriosis and not PCOS, although I had been diagnosed with PCOS before Endo, who knows with my luck I probably have both!

Its funny that you say that because a girl at work who has PCOS was just walking around last week with a t-shirt on that states "Knocked UP!". She claims that she finally got pregnant her first round of clomid after TTC for years.

birdsandsquirrels said...

Oh, yeah, I wanted to be that girl. I remember walking out of the pharmacy with my five clomid pills, feeling so dangerous, like oh wow I could be pregnant in a few weeks. My doctor made it sound so easy too.

I know it does happen for some people in their first few cycles of clomid, so there is certainly hope. But clomid is not perfect. I agree with Good Egg Hunting - maybe you should ask about trying femara. Clomid really screwed up my lining.

bendingbackwards said...

HUGS!

I am right there with you (read my post tomorrow about my email inbox- called Personnel Management). I have always wanted to be THAT girl who got pregnant so easily. Just once I want to be the one sharing the good news, in spite of the male-factor if.

ICLW.

April said...

:( i always want to be that girl. that girl that gets pregnant while waiting for IVF cycle 2. whatev.

*hugs* (iclw)