Sunday, November 30, 2008

Goof

Oh, totally got yesterday's post wrong. I didn't have 2.5 days of prometrium left, no I had 3.5 days left!!!

Now, I have 2.5 days left. This sucks.

On a happier note, I saw one of my coworkers last night at church. I haven't seen him in several days because he was in a really terrible car accident. Some guy tried to cross the 70 mph highway in front of him (this is a fully accessible highway with on-grade entrances, i.e. dangerous). My coworker struck the guy broadside and rolled the company's truck (he was on work business). The guy that tried to cross the highway died. My coworker fared pretty well considering. He hurt his leg and broke his knee cap.

I attend the same church as my coworker and after the service I went over and talked to him. I just about couldn't keep it together. He was there with his wife and two little girls. I was very happy to be talking with him in the back of the church rather than observing him in a box in the front of church. I'm very thankful for that.

There was also a baptism at church last night. An Addison Marie was baptized (any guess how many other Addisons are going to be in her kindergarten class? At least they didn't name her Maddison or Emma). The whole church said "Ahhhh!" when she squirmed as the water was being poured on her head.

I go to a Catholic church. We baptize after the homily and before the preparation of the Eucharist. Somewhere in there are the General Intercessions/Prayer of the Faithful. At my church they always try to be relevant with the prayers so last night there was a prayer for the Mumbai terrorism victims and their families. And then, because we had a baptism there was a prayer for all the new parents out there.

How about a prayer for all the couples dealing with infertility and having difficulty starting their families? That would have fit nicely. I need to have a talk with my priest. Maybe he'll anoint me... anointing of the sick. You don't have to be on your death bed to get that sacrament. Does infertility count as a sickness?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

A little down

I don't know why, but I'm just feeling down and even more impatient than usual. I guess I can blame it on the holidays.

I still have 2.5 days of prometrium to go. Waiting to finish the prometrium really messes with me. First, it's not exactly fun shoving a pill up you're vagina. Also, progesterone apparently makes my nipples go nuts. And then there's doing the BBT on prometrium. I keep doing it to keep up the habit, but I resent it the whole time.

I keep looking at the picture of Barrett my SIL gave me. He really is cute. Also, he looks kinda like me. He has my brother's eyes (and me and my brother both have our dad's). And he appears to have strawberry blond hair like me. I just keep looking at it thinking my baby would look kinda like that.

And then I think about my baby, the one I was suppose to get pregnant with in January (the only time that I've ever knowingly ovulated, but DH was gone). My baby would be just a little bit older than Barrett. If it were a girl, she would have strawberry blonde hair like me, and if a boy blonde hair like DH. Hopefully it would get my blue eyes. Our son would be strong like his daddy. Our daughter would be fair and I will diligently protect her skin from the sun's rays.



I am already negative about my next clomid cycle. I don't think it will work. And when it doesn't work they will bump me to 150mg. And when that doesn't work he's going to try femera on me. And if that doesn't work, again we up the dosage. And everytime it's going to fail because I'm not going to ovulate. And then I'm going to be back on prometrium again. Waiting and taking BBTs in vain again.

If I had a normal 2WW and got a negative, at least there would have been a little spot of hope left alive in me till AF came. And then once AF comes, I'd be back on clomid on CD3 relighting at least a tiny flame of hope. But this way, there is no hope. Nothing but waiting for my period. It is really hard.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Belated Thanksgiving Post

I didn't get a chance to post on Thanksgiving cause I was so dang tired. Here's one reason why:


I mentioned that I was making this for my brother's kid a before, but I had procrastinated on finishing it. So I stayed up till about 2 the night before Thanksgiving doing the alpha bit and numbers and spray painting the frame red (it was black).

Then I had to get up early on Thanksgiving morning to bake a pumpkin pie and an apple pie. After I got the second in the oven, I went back to work on the sampler and finished Barrett's name and birthday and a couple of the strings on the balloons and that was it other than putting in the frame. Of course, by that time we were suppose to have left for my parents house already so I rushed to do my hair and makeup and we got out the door.

Then when we got to my parents house, there was apparently no need to rush, my sister and her husband were at his family's Thanksgiving and my brother and his wife were doing the same (I have another brother and he and his family weren't coming). So I helped peel potatoes and stir gravey.

My grandma was there. We think she has another UTI. UTIs really slow her down physically and mentally and she slept in the chair almost the whole day.

The one thing that REALLY annoyed me at my parent's house was a very old u/s of Barrett stuck on the fridge. I think it was the 3 month u/s and given that the kid has been born, it seems like that doesn't need to be on the fridge anymore. I couldn't help but wonder, "If I give my parents a u/s of my fugly ovaries will they put them on the fridge too?" I'm really happy for my brother and his wife, but that u/s just got to me. But the victory is that no matter how mad staring at the picture made me, I managed to avoid telling my mom my thoughts about it and starting a fight over it. Pat on the back for me. I usually can't resist the chance to fight with my mother.

I was kinda upset about dinner. My mom knows I don't eat gelatin or marshmallows and she really didn't have anything for me to eat other than mashed potatoes green bean casserole (ick), but she had 2 types of jello salads! How about a real vegetable like broccoli or some good squash? No. My parent's don't eat vegetable unless they are deep fried and come from a drive thru. She also baked a couple desserts but still asked me to bring pies. I wish she wouldn't do that. I got up early to make desserts please so don't also make 2 jello salads (if there's cool whip on it, I consider it a dessert), apple cake, and pumpkin squares. But again, I managed keep my mouth shut and didn't fight with my mom. That deserves some pie.

Eventually everyone showed up and we ate. I'm thankful for my family, cat, and all great stuff in my life that I take for granted all the time. I'd sure miss it if it wasn't there.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Getting some perspective

I thank you for your advice on my dilemma. I got the call from my brother while I was preparing for Bunco (I cooked a small Thanksgiving dinner in 1.5 hours... I was a little busy). And my DH goes elsewhere during Bunco night so I didn't get a chance to really discuss it with him much since he didn't get home until 10:00... and there was more important news... one of my neighbors has breast cancer and that weighed heavily on my mind most of the night.

Ok, getting back to my story... So I didn't get much of a chance to discuss it with him on Monday, and Tuesday I had a bunch of work related stuff and didn't get home till about 9:00 and had to call my mom which always takes too long. So, I didn't really get a chance to discuss it with DH again till this morning. And this is basically what he said:
I got to thinking, and if it were my family and they wanted us to be there, they would have called us ahead of time and checked to make sure that we could come. Since they didn't do that, I'm not going to worry about it.
That makes sense. Perfect sense. He's completely right. If it's a big deal to you that I can't come then why didn't you check with me ahead of time? It's not like we decided to do this a week ago... we've had tickets for nearly three months. We're also visiting DH's aunt and uncle and one of his friends got engaged last week and we're meeting his fiancee. It's not fair that we should have to give up all that. We weren't important enough to ask when they were planning it. Really, why did I let this stress me out so much?

I love DH, he makes sense of stuff when I'm running around all panicky and irrational and cuts through it with a clear perspective. And it doesn't hurt that his perspective agrees with us going to the game.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Dilemma

My brother calls me tonight and asks what I'm doing December 6th. I answer, "I'm going to the Big Twelve Championship in KC." And then he says, "Well, we're getting Barrett baptized that day." And then I'm like, "Ummm... well we're going with a bunch of friends and we bought tickets a while ago, and I have to talk to DH."

Uggh. So what should I do? I can't even tell you the last time my team made it to the bowl, ok, well, yes I can, it was last year, but it was in San Antonio and that was too far away.

I really want to go to this game. Am I a total jerk for not wanting to skip the game for the kid's baptism? Am I the worst aunt ever?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Let it begin

Back on the prometrium. They wanted me to swallow the pills this time, but I already have a pretty strong association with those pills and my vagina, so swallowing them seems icky, plus the side effects are suppose to be worse. So, I disregarded the instructions.

And in accordance with starting a new round of progesterone, I took an HPT. I really felt this was pointless and didn't want to do it for many reasons, not the least of which was: if ovulation managed to escape my paranoid detection, it would be way too early to test. Oh well, totally negative, of course.

In other news, I'm hosting the neighborhood women's Bunco game tomorrow night. I don't really like hosting since my house is on the smallish side to accommodate an extra 20 people or so. I just want to get it over with and not feel guilty for not offering to host for another year.

So today, I'm cleaning and tracking down card tables and chairs.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I'm not superstitutious ;)

The power is mine. I have my prometrium, clomid, and the antibiotics for my HSG already. They told me I could start the prometrium when ever I want. I had already worked out a couple of different schedules for planning my HSG.

Here are my ASSumptions:
Prometrium for 10 days
Get AF 4th day after finishing prometrium
AF lasts 5 days followed by 2 days of spotting
HSG must be done on or between days 7 and 12 and spotting must have stopped
HSG best on Mon thru Thurs (RE not available on Fri)
I will ovulate

So the schedule that works out the best (if everything goes to plan... which is probably unlikely) is to start the prometrium this Sunday and I will have Dec 15-17 to get my HSG done and be well clear of any remnants of AF.

But we all know that all the planning in the world won't matter when I start AF 7 days into to my prometrium and then AF only lasts 4 days, etc....

And I can't seem to ignore an alternative schedule I labeled "Superstitutious Plan." By this plan (same ASSumptions), I start the prometrium today, get AF going on Dec the 4th (CD1) and if I managed to ovulate "on time" on CD14 that would be Dec 17th which is our 3 year wedding anniversary. Cool huh... but it doesn't end there. If the fertilized egg takes 6-8 days to implant, then it could be implanting on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. And my birthday (the 30th) is then 13DPO which is prime POAS time. And to top it all off, I would be darn close to an EDD of 9/9/09 (if I actually got pregnant of course). So you can see why I call it the superstitutious plan.

The down side to that plan is that Dec 15 (which is also the day that I graduated from grad school) would probably be the only "prime" day for the HSG and that's a little risky to me.

Anyhow, I have chosen the other plan, because I don't think any of my planning counts for squat and it will probably get messed up... so when it messes up, maybe we will end up making a baby for our anniversary. You just can't plan these things.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

More Muffy

Update on Muffy: She doing pretty good. She pulled a bunch of hair off her back the other day and it looks terrible. I wish we could get her to stop doing that, but I don't think we ever will.

I have to feed her 4 times a day. Yes, Muffy gets "Fourth Meal." She will currently eat Fancy Feast "Grilled" varieties of canned cat food. She's eating almost all of her food, that's nearly 12oz a day (4x3oz). I wish I didn't have to feed her that much, but she is only doing slight better than maintaining weight... she currently weighs 7.5 lbs which is good since her weight a month ago was 7.3 lbs. I continue to do what I can.

To address the comment by Birds and Squirrels, I did feed her baby food (mixed with regular food for nutritional completeness) for a long time, but eventually she turned her nose up at that. I'm glad I don't have to feed her baby food anymore because her favorite flavor was veal... As a vegetarian, I find that to be especially atrocious but I'd rather support the veal industry than let my cat die so I did what I had to do.

Interestingly enough, I did not store the baby food in the "baby cabinet." The baby food went to another cabinet in the kitchen.

I also have left over baby food that Muffy hasn't eaten and I don't plan on feeding it to her again unless necessary. I'm considering giving some of it to my brother for his kid, but it seems wrong... I felt bad feeding that stuff to my cat, I can't imagine feeding it to a real baby.

Muffy is drinking like a fish. I'm worried about her kidneys, but as long as she keeps drinking we should be good. She has taken to licking up the water in the shower after we get out. I'm not thrilled by this, but if it helps to keep her kidneys going, I'll let it go.

We keep water bowls every where for her. She has 5 right now. One in each bathroom (2 total), one in the kitchen, one in the laundry room, and one on the coffee table. That's right. Acutally, it's a cup just like we drink out of. She was always fighting us for our water when we were watching TV, so we decided just to giver her her own cup and it sits there for her all the time.

It's colder now and she's more snuggly in bed. I call her my cuddle bug. She likes to sleep in the nook of my arm and that's just fine with me.

Here are some pictures of her in some of her favorite places.





Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm a 10 :(

Well, my visit to the RE's office ended today how I figured it would (but hoped it wouldn't). After all that commotion coming from my left ovary it had nothing, but my right had 2 follicles at 10mm. My right ovary gave me a few feelings, but not nearly as much as the left. However, my lining was great, also at a 10 (yippee?). But it doesn't really matter... this cycle is a bust. At this point in my cycle it is highly unlikely that I will get either of those follicles to mature and ovulate.

But I don't feel like my $85 u/s today was a waste, no I'm actually glad I went. We know how my body responded to this dosage beyond that I did or didn't ovulate, and we will definitely be increasing next cycle. I'm more optimistic that something will come out of a higher dosage since there was some response. And, the $85 is a wash because the nurse said that I won't need to come in for a baseline u/s (which would cost me the same) since I only had the 2 tiny follicles. No real worries about cysts here.

And we know that I'm not going to O and I am working on getting them to let me start my prometrium before the "normal end of my cycle" what ever the heck that is. So hopefully they will let me start the prometrium next week instead of waiting till after CD28.

If I didn't go and see that my follicles were so puny, I probably would have waited around till CD35 or something and not been on to my next cycle till Christmas or later. Now, I can get on with it.

I also inquired about having an HSG done next cycle. I've more than met my deductible this year and might as well go ahead and do it since it's covered by my insurance. But once again, the timing might be a little tricky with the holiday coming up. If I don't get the next cycle going soon, the critical HSG time frame might hit when we are visiting DH's family 5 hours away from here. (However, the flip side of this is that some BDing might have to take place at the inlaws *blushes* we've never had sex at DH's parent's house. There isn't much privacy.)

I was surprised to learn that my RE likes to do the HSG himself. I think that's pretty good since I don't think all RE's do that. And, I have learned from Dr. Licciardi's blog the importance of making sure that your RE at least looks at you film himself rather than just reading a radiologist report.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I think I put too much faith in my OPKs

My left ovary keeps talking to me, and if I understand it correctly, it's saying, "Na-na-na-na-NA-na." Jerk.

I started out today with a plan:
1. Call RE office to see if I can get in for u/s to see what the heck is going on and possibly trigger if something looks big and juicy enough.
2. Wait for RE's office to call back.
3. Do an OPK earlier than normal to see how things are looking.
4. Compile all information together and make rational decision.

So I now stand at step 4. I took an OPK this morning (after I left message at RE's office) and it's the first one that looked like it it was approaching a positive so that made me hopeful. Then the nurse called back, they can get me in at 3:30 and trigger if necessary but I need to make the decision and call them back. Then I took another OPK that looks completely negative... so now I wait....

So my plan is to do a third OPK in about an hour (currently 12:30) and see what it says... if it is or looks very nearly positive, I think I might forgo the mad dash to the RE's office. If it looks negative, I think I'll go. Worst case scenario is that I take off work early, waste gas (60 mi round trip) and $85 bucks for the ultrasound. Best case scenario, I get there and have a juicy follicle, pony up some additional cash for the trigger, go home and screw DH's brains out, get pregnant and stop the insanity now before it takes any more of my life.

-----------
Update a little earlier than I had planned. I had to pee so went ahead and POAS... totally negative. And I thought about it and I know I will let this drive me nuts if I don't go do it... even if it is a waste. Also, I can't seem to get enough of my ugly, bumpy ovaries, so at least I will get to see them again.

I wonder if they think I'm crazy at the RE's office? I just remind myself, I'm probably not the first (or the worst) nut job they've seen.

Update after my appt.

You notice certain things more when you're TTC

So the first thing you notice when you start TTC is how many pregnant people are around you. And as time drags on and you are still not pregnant and there are even more pregnant people around you. You may even start to feel your presence aides in other people's fertility. Then, to top it all off, "Pregnant Man" announces s/he's preggers again.

But recently, I started noticing all the IF around me. I consider myself fairly young to be sitting in the RE's office worried whether I'll ever have kids or not, but I'm certainly not the only one my age. During the time I've spent in the waiting room there I have seen more women that appear to be around my age rather than women that appear to be nearing the later part of their fertile years (for lack of a better term).

IF's everywhere once you start paying attention.

In my own neighborhood, one of my neighbors has IVF twin boys, and I have a new neighbor that during our initial conversation asked me if I had any children. I said no and then she said something like "We don't either, we tried but couldn't". Wow. She didn't even know me and was able to admit that to me. I can't even admit to people that I even want children yet. When people ask me if I'm planning on having kids, I give some bull about "not wanting to give up my freedom" or "I've only been married for 1 2 years." (I used to say that I was waiting for democrat in the White House again, but that excuse won't work anymore.)

There is a fair amount of IF in my office. Our secretary had some terrible problems maintaining pregnancies... truly heartbreaking stories. Another person experienced secondary IF with her second and then a "surprise" third. And one of my coworkers married only a year ago, but I know he and his wife were planning on TTC very quickly (they were buying baby furniture off another employee before they were even married) and so far no news, so I will assume that things may not going as well as planned.

My other SIL started trying several months ago and hasn't had any luck yet and I'm really worried that she could be looking at some IF problems. I have let her know about some of my experiences hope she can learn from those and get things moving quickly since she's in her mid 30's and has some family health issues.

When I was in college, both of my department's secretaries were childless. One would say she "wasn't blessed with any babies," and another, "We gave it five years and nothing happened, so we said that was it." Those words weren't too miraculous to me then, but they are now.

There are so many people I have known throughout my life that didn't have children. I assumed that most of them did not want kids (and that's probably true for many), but for others, they put up a shield and I didn't learn to recognize that shield until I started fashioning my own.

I really hope I have a kid, because I don't think I'll ever be so well adjusted that I can tell someone, "I just wasn't blessed," or "We just weren't able."

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I knew it!

The cat IS conspiring against me. My cat has a few preferred places to lay:
My lap
My chest (when lying down)
In her basket
The foot of the bed
In the sunlight on the floor
Top of the couch
Her nook on the bookshelf in the office
and... DH's balls.

Yes that's right. It never bothered me before, but I got out of the shower this morning and she was on his balls. Now when I say "on his balls" I mean that he's clothed appropriately (sleep shorts) and is covered with blankets and she likes to lay on top of the covers on his legs, her head forward towards his head with her chest perfectly positioned where his genitalia is located.

Every IFer knows that it's important that the boys don't get to toasty warm and DH has a good count so we are not too worried about that stuff normally... but I am concerned about her spending too much time there. She's a great heating pad. In fact, she goes by the nick name "Coma Kitty" for her ability to lure in and knock her victims unconscious with soothing warmth and rhythmic purring.

Anyhow, I tried to reposition her so that she was not directly on top of the critical zone and I just couldn't get her to stop going back to it. Someone does not want a little brother or sister.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Waiting for something to happen

As far as I know nothing has happened yet (ovulatory-wise). There was a lot of commotion on my left ovary on CD11 and today (CD13) there has been some on my right.

This is all interesting to me because until recently, me and my ovaries didn't have much interest in each other. I hope the negotiations go well and we can develop a mutual respect for each other. If diplomacy fails, I just might have to go nuclear on them.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Baby Cabinet

I have a completely empty cabinet in my kitchen. It's good real estate, right next to the microwave between the sink and the stove.

We moved into our house almost 2 years ago. As I unpacked the dishes and made room for every coffee mug and even cookie cutters, I left one cabinet empty.

My husband occasionally tries to get me to put something in it, and I say no. Why? Because it's the baby cabinet. It's the place that I plan on storing bottles, sippy cups, breast pump stuff and special unbreakable kiddy plates.

Before my parents came over the other day I was looking for a place to store the Robitussin. I didn't want them to ask questions. After thinking about it, I decided that the baby cabinet was appropriate.

But otherwise, the baby cabinet sits empty. The day I start filling that cabinet with other stuff is the day I give up.

Sorry I'm not more supportive

Ok, I read my boards and respond kindly and supportively regularly. But every now and then, I see a post that really gets to me. It's never the ones labeled "TRIGGS". No, it's usually somebody saying something dumb. A special kind of dumb.

This morning, I found myself over the edge when someone posted about their co-workers asking them when they would get pregnant. My problem was that she already has one kid and had some line about 'wishing people were more sensitive' and 'you can understand where I'm coming from'.

No, I can't understand, cause I don't have any kids. You'd think that someone hanging out with IF people and that presumably has some IF problems of their own would be more sensitive. Maybe someday when I've had baby no. 1 I will understand, but till then, you just sound like an ass.

Also, last week someone got a positive on their beta on the ITSG board and needed to go for their second beta at 8:30 on the weekend and complained about not being able to sleep in. OMG! You've got to be kidding me. How quickly people forget where they came from. Never complain to an IF woman about having to get a second beta at 8:30 in the morning. I would show up happily at 3 am to a location 6 hours away if it was for my second beta.

Or how about the girl that had her embryos PGD the other week and thanked GOD that she knew which embryos had Down's Syndrome. She was someone that was always very religious in her postings, but there she was thanking God for for letting her know which embryos she shouldn't implant. For the record, I'm pro-choice, but there is something really messed up about praising God for knowing which embryos to destroy.

Ok, that's my rant till someone else says something unfathomably stupid.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sofrito!

This weekend was pretty good. And here's why:
1. I didn't go to work at all (although I did work till 8pm on Friday).
2. I cleaned my house on Saturday.
3. Made a pumpkin pie.
4. Me, DH, and my parents went to my alma mater's football game. I offered to take my parents to a game for my mom's birthday. It was cold, and my mom was kinda whiny, but, we won! Up another spot on the BCS rankings till we get killed in the conference title bowl.
5. Took a nap.
6. Watched a Netfilx movie (kinda behind on the que).
7. I made a new batch of sofrito. I add it to black beans and anything else I feel like. I make a ton and freeze it. As you can see, 6 ice cube trays is only about half a batch. God I love this stuff. Oh, I cannot wait to make some beans.


A very productive weekend.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Chart

Here it is with today's temp on it too. 97.2 exactly what it should be. I think my body went nuts last week.

Friday, November 7, 2008

CD 7 Update

Well, what a week. I stopped back by the hospital yesterday and got a chance to hold my nephew. He really is beautiful. I had to hold back the tears (of happiness). He's the youngest baby I've ever held and I love holding newborns.

On my own fertility front, my BBT was crazy this week. I will have to post a chart later, but basically at the start of AF it was down in the low 97's which is apparently normal FP temp for me. But then, on Sunday or Monday my temp "skyrocketed" to very nearly my LP temps. But it wasn't just one temp, all of my temps since Sunday through Thursday were in the LP range (and very consistent). Finally, this morning I got a 97.3 and am back where I should be.

I can't blame it on the clomid since I didn't start it till Monday night. I didn't do anything diff temp wise. Infact, I took it twice a night after my spike just to make sure (Once in the middle of the night and again at waking time and the waking temps were all practically 98.6). I even took a HPT while on the rag just to make sure again. (How do you know you're a POAS addict? You POAS 3 days into AF).

All I have left to assume is that the time change REALLY wacked out my temps. I want to call the RE but I doubt that they will have any thing to tell me that will help.

It's just weird. Temps are not suppose to do that during AF or the FP in general. I even had a US the other day, so I know nothing was hanging around that shouldn't.

About Clomid, last pill tonight. Very few side effects... just some headaches, and I feel hungry all the time (don't know if that's from the clomid or not). Got some tussin, ready to go.

Oh, and one last thing, AF was short and light, even shorter and lighter than I normally have on the pill. It wasn't a full 5 days. It just seems like it should have been worse because I haven't had one in so long. Of course, I remember my first AF on the pill after not having one in nearly 2 years wasn't much either. I wonder if the metformin is to blame (or thank) here.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Visiting the Maternity Ward

Well, Barrett Robert was born yesterday. My SIL only had to push for about 75 minutes. He was born at 5:14 which is about the exact time I got to the hospital. Seems like he was waiting for me to arrive.

He's huge... 9lb 1oz and about 21in long. I have to say, he looks more like my SIL than brother right now. I told my brother he should shave his face so that a proper comparison can be made. It is really weird seeing my brother holding a kid, even weirder that it's his own.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Panic at the Pharmacy

Clomid...

First, I almost had a nervous breakdown when I looked at the clock at work and saw that it was 6:54 pm. I was working with my boss, stopped, said, "Do you know what time Wal-Mart pharmacy closes?!!!" Stopped what I was doing, googled their number and preceded to freakout until the recording said that they were open till 8. I think my blood pressure jumped 30 points in the 30 seconds it took to get the hours. After that, me and the boss decided to call it a day. I think I turned beet red... my boss knew better than to mess with that.

Then my brother called and told me they are inducing labor for his wife on Wednesday. I'm happy for them, really, but I have issues right now.

Then I got to Wal-Mart and asked to pick up my script. They didn't have one on file for me!!! OMG, I was so ready to freakout, but God Bless Aunt Flow!!! Since she arrived on the weekend, I had to leave a voicemail at the clinic for the ultrasound. Well, the nurse, Becky, returned my call from her home/cell (when the clinic calls me it always comes up as unknown). So I redialed that number hoping she would answer, and she did on like the second ring! She talked to the pharmacist and we discovered that my name got in wrong. A random "R" ended up in there. I got my script and am happy.

It wouldn't have been the end of the world if I would had missed today. I could do it 5-9. But, oh man would someone have paid. Oh, the voicemail that my clinic would have got and oh the yelling rage the pharmacy clerk was almost subjected to. Hell have no wrath like MINE. I'm nuts, really, you don't mess with me. Ask every Sprint customer service representative I have every talked to (it was deserved).

Aunt Flow may have saved lives here.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

For your viewing pleasure

Here it is, my first BBT chart. What a dandy. 


It's a little small. I only graphed it to show you. Normally I use conditional formatting to make a chart like spreadsheet that I also add notes and other good stuff too. It looks something like this


I haven't tried Fertility Friend or any of those online chart sites. I prefer a handy-dandy spreadsheet for almost everything in my life. I don't know what I'd do without Excel.

I can't ever seem to enjoy anything

Well, got the call yesterday for an ultrasound this morning. Set the clocks back and got there just on time. This was my first ultrasound, and I have always been curious to see what I look like. I was hoping that maybe I wouldn't have PCO and they would be impressed with how great everything looked....

Well, I definitely have PCO. Pretty cute ovaries my ass, those things are fugly! All bumpy and covered in gnarly cysts. You know that expression, it's what's on the inside that counts, ugh, what I got on the inside ain't good. I think I would have been happier not knowing.

I had 12 cysts on one side and more than 15 on the other (she doesn't count more than 15 for the baseline ultrasounds). I also had some fluid around one of my ovaries (which reinforces my theory that I grew a big cyst last month that must have "resolved" itself).

But everything said and done, it was what they expected to see and it's clomid as planned. I will start tomorrow night (3-7). I had to request a day 21 progesterone test. And it's a good thing I've read a thing or two about clomid because they offered no instructions other than take it at the same time every day.

No matter how hard I try, I always come away from a dr's appt with at least one regret. Today it was telling the nurse that I thought I o'd and only had a 12 day LP. I told her about my temp jump before the prometrium but I didn't properly convey that my temp stayed up. She said something that indicated to me that the prometrium wouldn't have affected my BBT. I need to be more clear in the future. I just can't get over it that I didn't get her to realize my concern. It's not that she didn't care, I just didn't communicate it properly. I will be looking for an excuse to talk to a nurse or Dr. C very soon.

After my appt. me and DH went to the trail. We were there an hour too early to rent bikes so we just walked. Probably for the best, those bike seats hurt my ass. Plus we went to a non bike accessible area we hadn't been to before. It was lovely and despite the good weather and fall foilage, there weren't many people out.

But no matter how nice it was I just couldn't get my regretful conversation with the nurse out of my head. It's still there. It's going to haunt me all night.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

CD 1

AF showed up a little while ago. I've left a voicemail at my RE's office hoping I can get an ultrasound tomorrow (the Receptionist told me they will be in on Sunday this weekend).

This makes my last cycle 98 days long. That should give me some perspective when I find myself in the 2WW.

Also, it's beautiful outside! I think fall finally hit it's peak. I'm hoping that I can go for my ultrasound tomorrow and after go for a bike ride along the river since RE's office is up that way. I just hope they call me back!

Also, it's officially November which calls for the annual viewing of "Sweet November." I should probably schedule that promptly while I'm still on the rag.

Also, I use the word also a lot.