Thursday, January 15, 2009

Surprisingly Optimistic

I have been all kinds of mad, upset, angry, and sad lately, but today I found myself surprisingly optimistic.

I have been thinking a lot about my next cycle:
-Will even I get to cycle next month?
-Will my clomid dosage be 100mg cause I'm feeling 150mg right now.
-Actually I'm feeling more like femara given the cyst crap but then I'm back at the min dose.
-Actually I'm feeling more like injectables except they're really expensive and multiples scare the crap out of me.

That's the short, simple, clean language, non fiery mad version of my thoughts.

And then there's the acupuncture. I've been talking big about it. Totally gonna do it, except that I need to get started now for next cycle and I don't even know if this GFC is going away at the end of this cycle. And even if it does, will there be a point if I get shifted to the min does of femara. I want to do it, but I don't want to waste the money if I'm not cycling or back at baby doses. (Hey folks, I don't ovulate for crap, give me the big guns or big doses!)

So, today, in a rare moment, I was optimistic enough about next month to call and make the appointment. I've been thinking about it all week and when I jump started the positivity today I decided I'd better make the appointment before the feeling goes away... which was right after I hung up the phone.

I haven't felt the cyst as often lately, and it hasn't been as painful when I do feel it, so I actually started to think the damn thing might go away.

It's cold here, I think I'll light a $50 on fire this weekend to keep warm.


Anonymous said...

I've been struggling back and forth with the idea of injectables or switching to Femera also if this Clomid cycle is a bust.

Ever since you mentioned acupunture I've been thinking about it more and more. Ironically, I received a flyer from an extention of my RE's office advertising it the other day. So I'm seriously thinking about it also - it's can't hurt anything but my pocketbook right?

Good luck with those decisions.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling surprisingly optimistic!

I know what you mean about starting at the minimum dose of femara. I was concerned about that too, but we went straight from clomid to injectables, and I somewhat regret not trying femara first. But, like you, I didn't want to waste months starting at the lowest dose and moving up. I don't ovulate for crap either, and I'm old, so on to the injectables it was. A lot of good that's done me.

I hope the GFC is going away. I wish there was some way to know what is happening in there at any given moment. Do you think they will ever come up with home ultrasound machines? Or cheap quick scans? I hate that it costs me $150 for a 2 minute probe visit on a crappy old machine that's probably been paid for dozens of times over.

Anonymous said...

Yup before my saline ultrasound on Wednesday I had my last ultrasound. I have 5 again that were "almost ready" at that time.

Final blood work at on Thursday.