Monday, February 23, 2009

Not much going on here

I kinda don't know what else to do right now. Sorry if this post is a little random.

My mind is completely fixed on the guessing game of whether or not I'm pregnant. I'm mostly just passing time till I can test again. That's a miserable way to live.

I think I'm going through acupuncture withdrawal. I'm not sure that's possible, but if it is, I might be. I haven't had it in more than a week... partially cause that's just how the schedules have worked out and partially cause I'd like to cut back a little for the sake of my budget. I think I will get in on Wednesday again. Maybe if I stab myself with some needles later I will feel better.

I've been beating myself up a little lately by continually asking myself, "Why can't this be enough for me?" I've already got so much to be thankful for, why do I need a baby too? I don't have a good answer to that question and I'm not sure it's a fair to ask myself them in the first place.

Tonight my neighborhood plays Bunco. Hopefully that will be distracting, but since I've told some of them back in December that I was doing IF treatments (and we did not have a January Bunco) I'm a little apprehensive of questions being asked. I'm actually a little glad that I have tested negative so far in case anyone asks me if I'm pregnant yet, I won't have to lie. I'm a terrible liar.

I made a double batch of hummus this morning, one for me and one to bring to Bunco. I'm addicted to hummus lately. I eat several batches a week. I figure it's pretty good for me and somehow I've managed to lose several pounds this month. I think eating good, homemade hummus and avoiding the candy dish at work might have played a big part. If I don't get pregnant this month I hope I can loose more next month.

I had to turn down one of my friend's invitations to play Bunco with her group on Thursday. Last time I went (several months ago) there were a couple pregnant gals and one girl just announced her pregnancy out of the blue. I can't handle that right now on what could potentially end up being CD 1 or 2. I'm the youngest person in my neighborhood Bunco group and I'd say 90% of the women are post menopausal, so I don't really have to worry about any surprise announcements there.

My BBT went up another tenth today. That's good, but drives me a little nuts cause I keeping reading more into my chart than I should, and I don't know how to stop, cause
Good Chart does NOT equal Pregnancy.
Oh, and,
Pregnancy does NOT always equal Baby.
I wish it did. I need to get my thoughts in check so that I can be a little more relaxed and less obsessed.

Post vomit over.


Shannon said...

The roller coaster of emotions really is so intense. It's not over til it's over. I hope this is it for you!! Especially with such a pretty chart :)

Anonymous said...

The last few days of the two week wait are nerve wracking. Your temp going up is a good sign! When are you testing again?

Anonymous said...

Oh, about the cyst - they didn't say much about it. It's slightly bigger (3mm bigger than last week) and the nurse said that my left ovary might not respond great to the meds, but the right one is clear and will probably be the one to bet on. She said that the literature shows that cysts generally don't affect the outcome of an ovulation induction cycle, which I thought was odd, because then why cancel cycles due to cysts? Of course, I'm now searching for the research articles on pubmed to back that up.

Amanda said...

I will POAS again tomorrow... something has to happen sooner or later.