Monday, March 2, 2009

Don't tell me you *know*

Today was my surgery consult. It all went well and I'm currently scheduled to have my gallbladder removed on Friday the 13th. No jokes alright. This hasn't been checked with my RE's schedule yet, so it could move. Everything will probably be confirmed tomorrow.

I liked my surgeon... she was real and talked a lot and was friendly. She made me feel better about getting the surgery done. Also, her husband is one of the Chem-E profs and I will have to email my old Chem-E buddies and ask them what they thought of him.

I did not like her nurse. She came to give me all my instructions for surgery day and went over all the meds I'm not allowed to take... which I already don't take cause they are not allowed for TTC. We talked about it for a second and she gave me that look... the "I know" look. And then she said it, "I know, I had trouble getting pregnant too." And for a second, I thought I had a new friend. Then I asked her, "Did you win?" She started to tell me she had her first two no problem, but the third was difficult. But she understands and knows how I feel. NO YOU DON'T. YOU HAD CHILDREN ALREADY. YOU NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT NEVER HAVING ANY CHILDREN. YOU GOT TO GROW A BABY IN YOU BELLY AND FEEL IT MOVE AND BREAST FEED IT AND CHANGE IT'S DIAPER AND LOVE IT. EVEN IF YOU NEVER HAD ANOTHER, YOU ALREADY DID MORE THAN I ALLOW MYSELF TO HOPE TO DO. NO ONE TOLD YOU THAT YOU MAY NEVER HAVE CHILDREN WHEN YOU WERE 15. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL THE MAN YOU LOVE THAT IF HE WANTED KIDS, HE SHOULD FIND SOMEONE ELSE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK AND DON'T SAY YOU'VE BEEN THERE, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T.

I know secondary (or tertiary) IF sucks, but I really can't stand it when someone that hasn't experienced primary IF acts like they went through the same thing I am going through. I know they understand my pain, I'm sure it hurts just as much, but it's just different and I would rather not they act like they are the same. They are not.


I got more acupuncture today cause you know I love it. As he put one of the needles in my back, my ovary gave me a STRONG twinge. I would say it was just lucky timing, but I haven't felt anything out of my ovary in a while... it has probably been at least a week and a half and it suddenly came back to life with gusto right then. Interesting.


Hillary said...

Your list of what a primary IFer fears missing out on was so accurate and heart breaking. I fear those same things. I can't understand secondary IF, but it makes so much sense to me that it must be a very different experience...

Tricia said...

I know exactly what you mean! PCOS is the womanhood stealer.

Michelle said...

Good luck with your surgery. I hope it goes well.
Infertility sucks. No one understands that kind of pain truly unless they've really experienced it. From experiencing it all again for the 2nd time around, I will agree that it is a lot different than the first time...And for some reason, people who have had a child or 2, not planned, who decides to try for another, if it doesn't happen in the first month, they think they automatically know what it's like.
Anyway, I also wanted to add that I hope that I haven't offended you or made you feel bad by any of my comments. I feel like I can relate, but my situation is different. Sorry if I've offended you at all.

Amanda said...

Michelle, you have never offended me. All of us have different situations, and as long as people don't trivialize the unique aspects of each others situations with dismissive comments and patronization, then I'm fine.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you like your surgeon, but I'm so sorry about the stupid nurse. Her situation is totally different and CANNOT be compared to experiencing primary infertility. I absolutely hate it when some fertile asshole says "I know exactly how you feel! I ALMOST had to take clomid to have my second (or third) baby". Um, no. NOT THE SAME. NOT AT ALL.

I get that secondary infertility sucks too, but yeah, at least they already got to experience all those things that you mentioned.

Anonymous said...

I hope your surgery goes well Amanda. As you know I'm one of those secondary IFers, and you are totally right - the experience is completely different. I can only imagine what someone with primary infertility is going through.