Sunday, March 22, 2009

I broke my rule

I decided a while ago to not do things prone to upset me. No chat boards. No reading blogs by people that upset me. Avoid contact with people that piss me off.

I've been trying to 'relax' and avoiding things that could potentially drive me nuts is the best thing I feel like I can do. It's worked well for me lately.

What did I do yesterday? I decided to look up BIL and SIL's baby registry. I didn't know how much it would upset me, but I knew it would, and did it anyhow. I felt that nasty change in blood pressure and heart rate speed up. I clicked away after a couple minutes. I really didn't know it would affect me that much.

Why does it affect me that much? Cause I am so bitter, angry, resentful, and pissed off, that's why. I don't know how to change that. I can try, but I don't see it happening.

Now that I know how much it upset me to just look at a registry for a kid that won't be born for another 4 months, I have no idea how I will be able to actually handle seeing SIL and her big pregnant belly in person again.

Just being angry is one thing, I actually like to be angry. It feels good sometimes, but what I felt when I looked at her registry was more of a panic attack and has physical effects on me. I just feel like I'm dooming a cycle when I get all flustered and stressed out like that. How can I be around someone that makes me feel like I'm actually hurting myself to be in their presence?

I'm sure her sister or one of the cousins or a coworker are planning her a shower... probably multiple showers cause that's how I know it will be (they had 3 or 4 wedding showers). I don't want to go. How do you bow out of your SIL's baby shower? I'm married to her husband's only sibling, so I think my presence if pretty much expected.


Unknown said...

I don't know how many time I told myself I was not going to visit this board or that one or read so and so's blog,blah! I tend to go back and then get pissed at myself. I don't know how to bow out of a SIL shower. I was not able to go to my sister's because we loved far away and I was not going to fly home special for it at that time. I wish I had some great advice. Since I don't live near my family it has been easy getting out of baby showers and such, but that will soon change I am sure. Sometimes, even though it sucks you have to grin and bear it. If you honestly don't want to go and don't want to deal with it, tell them. I don't think that would go over well, but sometimes you have to think of yourself. Sorry I can't offer you more. Hugs To You!

Lucy said...

I go back and forth with the boards, feeling they are helpful, and then feeling they aren't so helpful. I think it just depends on my mood. It's so hard to see pregnant bellies though! A coworker is about 5 months now, and I don't like her anyway, so having it happen for her on her first month TTC doesn't make me like her anymore. GL on getting out of that shower...maybe you can say you're coming, then just get very sick at the last minute :) . ICLW

Celia said...

How about a mandatory work project? Sick cat? Exsplosive diaharrea? That is spelled totally wrong but I am not fixing it. You could blame it on your new digestive problems. How about just sending your husband? I will help you cook up a good lie if you need me to.