Wednesday, March 11, 2009

More on the SIL email

If you didn't see my prior post please check out Dreading the Inbox.

My SIL is a crackberry addict and replied almost immediately after my "Things suck" response.

DH didn't like the "things suck" response cause he thought she wouldn't understand what I meant, but of course she did. I knew she would, but DH does not speak "manipulative girl". So her reply was something like 'Still? Are you doing the shots?' and then she said that she was there if I needed to vent and that she knows her husband doesn't 'get it' most of the time, not to say that my husband doesn't get it.

Well, that last part did piss me off a bit. I will be the first one to admit that my husband doesn't get it most of the time, but he sure as hell 'gets it' better than she does. He doesn't really have to get it, cause he lives it. He knows he might never have a biological child, he sees me crying, he goes to appointments, he hears my BBT thermometer beep every night, he gets yelled at by me for things that aren't his fault. He is infertile by association.

Although she tried to make it clear that she wasn't presuming that DH doesn't get it (and if you speak manipulative girl, you should actually read her non-presumption as 'I presume he is just as clueless as my husband, but I shouldn't say that, so I will make it clear that I'm not saying that.' Don't worry if you didn't get that, manipulative girl speak can be confusing for those that don't practice it regularly.), I just don't understand why she thinks she does get it. She so very clearly does not.

I feel guilty for being hard on her when she is trying to help. I kinda wish I could let her in, but because I know she will probably never get it, I would rather not even bother. I think it will only bring me more pain in the end.

So my reply to that email was to just send the link to the Tears and Hope video, which I had been wanting to send to her for a while. Her response was "Thanks for sending that."

I think this conversation has ended for now. I think she got the hint that I do not want to talk to her about this. But if she really 'got it' she would probably understand that more than anything, I just wish I wasn't infertile and that talking to her (a pregnant woman) only makes my infertility more real.


Michelle said...

I love the crackberry comment. Maybe she will leave you alone now for a while. I've seen that video before, and I think it's does enough explaining that even the most thoughtless get your point if you link it. And even then, no one truly "gets it" unless they've been there.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I love it when pregnant fertiles think they "get it". Nothing pisses me off more than someone thinking they "know what we are going through" when they most clearly do not.

I think you handled the whole thing really well.

Darya said...

First of all, thanks for posting the Tears and Hope link. I'd never seen it.

I'm sure your SIL wants to help but I don't think she'll 'get it' no matter how hard she tries and she is not the right person to give you comfort or for you to rely on. Infertility really sucks. (((HUGS)))

Dianne said...

I love the "infertile by association" comment!!!

Also I think you handled it well. I have two SIL that have gotten pregnant an accident! I love them to death but it is still hard to deal with.

Celia said...

She is a pain in my nuts. I think I would punch her if I had to make nice with her. HEY!!! For Christmas/her birthday you NEED to buy her the game CLUE. Even if she doesn't get it- it is still damn funny.

Or grudge gift her non-returnable things like clothes that are too small for her or books that you have inscribed. Writing in a book makes it non-returnable.

I will be thinking about you tomorrow. I hope your surgery goes ok.