Friday, April 3, 2009

Blow it up someone elses...

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with their RE?

I really do like the guy. The treatments he gives me let me hope. I feel like he's thinking about me and customizing my treatment, even though it's just clomid (at least I don't feel like he's just mindlessly prescribing it). He makes me feel like I'm making progress. His bedside manner is good. He takes time with me when he doesn't have to and I appreciate all that. On the spectrum of RE's, he's got a good spot on the upper end.

But sometimes he says something to me that makes me think he is lying. I want to call him out on it, but I know if I weren't such a pessimistic infertile I wouldn't think twice about his words and would accept them happily.

Back in December, he did my u/s where we discovered the cyst... well we didn't know it was a cyst at that time, there was still hope that it was a real, viable follicle. On my way out he says to me, "That might make a nice Christmas present."

Why did he have to say that? I knew deep down inside of me that a 29mm follicle on CD10 isn't a good thing. I'm sure he did too, but there he is, telling me a miracle might happen when he knows from his better judgment it won't. I cannot tell you how many times I thought of those words as I cried and cried at the failure of that cycle.

Last cycle he did almost the same thing. He gives some off the cuff remark of hope after seeing that spot on my ovary during surgery, and he knows better. I like to pretend that cycle had a chance, but I don't really think it did due to the timing of everything, but because he said that I smiled happily all the way to the bitter BFN.

So of course, he did it again this cycle! During my baseline we discussed my clomid options since "I ovulate on my own" (yeah right, I'm a regular Fertile Myrtle). He says that hopefully the clomid will make me grow an *extra* follicle. Now, I'm fantasizing about twins! It's not fair to me for him to say something like that.... I want believe him when he says that stuff because I need to believe that it will happen.

Did Fertility and Sterility have an article about how blowing sunshine up your patients' asses will somehow increase pregnancy rates?

I'm sure he thinks he's doing me a favor when he nonchalantly implies I'm just a couple of weeks from a positive beta, but I don't think he knows how much more it hurts when the cycle fails because he infused that hope in me to begin with. He doesn't know how much I respect him and cling to his words. Don't say something like that unless you really, REALLY mean it. You're a medical professional, so let's keep it professional. I have a blog for when I want to hear rainbows and puppies.

8 comments:

Celia said...

I think RE's are in a place far away from us. Because of the length of their training, because most people pay cash, because a lot of their job is research- they are not always the most connected.

I was irritated this past week when I asked my RE if he thought my eggs were being fertilized and just not implanting. He looked at me in what I can only describe as surprise. Like how could I be thinking that. Like I could not be that smart. Does he not think I do as much research as I can? He agreed with me.

I think a lot of their people skills are just not great. You know how a lot of engineers can be, it is not that different.

I agree though, I want to hear it straight, and I don't want the facts dumbed down.

Amanda said...

You know, he actually usually doesn't dumb stuff down... at my first appointment he had my student records and knew that I am a bio.log.ical engineer and gave me a lot of credit for that. So it's not too bad in that respect other than the b.s. sunshine. But I totally agree with you that your RE should not assume that you are an uneducated idiot that isn't intelligent enough to understand what's going on while calling you obese.

{Mrs.M} said...

I think you should definitely say something to him. Ask him to just give you the facts and leave out the "hope" aspect. I think you'll find that he will respect you even more, knowing that you know the chances and understand your cycles each month. Doctors can be hopeful but sometimes they just need to shutup and do their jobs :)

Michelle said...

I feel the same way. It is extremely frustrating. I've seen 4 different RE's and they all act slightly crazy. This one now though is probably the best one I've so far, and I still have issus at times....

birdsandsquirrels said...

My gynecologist was like that. He really had me believing that a couple months of clomid and I'd be preggo. 7 failed unmonitored cycles later I wanted to hunt him down and have him tortured.

When he finally admitted he probably couldn't help me and that I needed an RE (of course I had already come to that conclusion on my own), he sat down and explained IVF to me in idiot terms. He tried to tell me that it's actually really cost efficient because you'll certainly get pregnant and then you can freeze embryos to use in a couple years when you want your second baby. Yeah right buddy. I know enough bloggers who've had their hearts broken with multiple failed IVFs with no frozen embryos. It doesn't work that way.

I don't see my RE enough for him to blow anything anywhere. My clinic's staff is almost surprisingly unhopeful. As I was checking out today after my IUI, neither the nurse nor the receptionist said good luck or anything.

birdsandsquirrels said...

Oh, and yes, you were onto something. Dora's embryos were created at my clinic. I have had email correspondence with Angrycanrn who donated the embryos to Dora, and she told me some interesting things. She liked the other RE at my clinic a lot, and their success rates are very good, but clearly they do some strange things. I'm still not sure how I feel about moving on to IVF, but it is really nice to have heard from someone who had experience with my clinic. I am keeping my fingers crossed for Dora this cycle. I hope this FET worked!

Darya said...

Thanks for the blog post/article you left on my blog.

I wouldn't like my RE doing that either. I would probably say something to him and let him know you're a big girl now and you can handle the truth.

White Picket Fences said...

Thanks for the comments during my middle of the night craziness! Even being a medical professional, I cling to every word that is said like it's pure gold even when I know better. It does make me consider what I say to my own patients very carefully. It's easy to forget the influence of the spoken word.

Re: ER? I couldn't even watch the part about Carter's baby. I had allowed myself to forget that entire story line ...and as soon as the mom/wife walked in I lost it. Craziness.