Monday, April 13, 2009

Doubts: I haz them

This cycle has been interesting. I stressed and freaked out that I wouldn't produce anything and I had 2 follicles on my first mid cycle u/s. So then I still stressed that they would stop growing. The second u/s showed that things were still growing, but then I stressed that we would time the trigger and IUI wrong and I would ovulate early. I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate early. Now I'm stressed that I didn't ovulate at all, let alone 2 good follicles.

I guess my point is that I've gotten pretty concerned with some of the details of this cycle and they have turned out just fine so far. Therefore, I should probably just chill and stop my doubting. It's a good plan, but easier said than done.

I'm not saying that I don't think I ovulated at all. I'm pretty sure I got at least one of those suckers. I'm going to guess the Right one. I don't normally feel anything over there and it's been more sore since yesterday which I will take to be a good sign. The Left one, I'm not so sure. I felt the twinges that I associate with follicle growth as late a Sunday evening over there. The left follicle was smaller, so maybe it took longer (if it went at all). I think that's pushing the limits of how ovulation works, but that's what I felt. If Lefty did go, I have been able to feel my previous CL over there and maybe I will again in the next day or so.

I try to remember that I didn't feel any O pains in my Feb cycle and didn't think I O'd then either and the u/s showed a nice CL the next morning, so it worked that time and it probably did this time too. Probably for both of the follicles. Probably.

And my clinic doesn't care if I get P4's anymore since we've established that I have pretty good progesterone levels so they didn't really want me to get one. However, the researcher in me wants to know since I should have had 2 follicles and I want to know if that makes a difference in my levels. Plus, I'm way too wound up to skip a quick blood draw when insurance is covering it. I know if I don't get one and the cycle fails I am really going to be wondering what that number was. So I will be getting one again this cycle.

I'm really glad I have some previous experience in how my body operates to provide some reassurance. Every time my heart starts to race I just say to myself "I've ovulated before, there is no reason to think I didn't ovulate this cycle." I'm not all gloom and doom yet, but I have to scale back the hope a bit for now.


Michelle said...

The doubting is normal and I want to say to try not to worry much about it, but I know I freak out and obsess it every time too. I really hope that it worked and this is your month.
I'd definitely get the P4 done so you can at least know what the # is. Good luck!

Celia said...

I am convinced you did ovulate. I would get the P4 done too. I don't think you will find any one of us that does not obsess and fret.

Anonymous said...

If the P4 helps you relax, I say ask for it. Isn't it exhausting, all of the doubting? Every step of the way, I doubt things. Given all of your circumstances this month, it sounds like everything has gone really well this cycle!