Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Angry

I had IUI#2 yesterday. DH asked me to go into the collection room with him. He was worried he wouldn't be able to perform since he was pretty bummed too. And his count was quite a bit lower than it was any time that he's given a sample. I think we had sad sperm.

The other RE did the IUI. It was actually quicker and less uncomfortable than when Dr. C did it. But I really didn't care. I think I probably had some kind of sad look on my face the whole time. I think the nurse could tell. She kept asking me if something was wrong and giving me a look of sympathy.

After they left and me and DH were alone we just sat in silence for a while, holding hands. I finally said that if there was ever a time for a cycle to work, this was it, but I really don't think it will work, especially not after all the stress of the last couple days. And I told him I was angry. Angry that the cycle would fail. Angry that Muffy is going to die in such a way. And angry because I don't think I can do both at the same time. I don't reasonably think we can TTC with this stress on us. I'm worried that my desire to TTC will cloud my judgment in deciding how manage Muffy's illness. We returned to our silence again after that. Time was up, I got up and dressed and we went to work. 

Muffy going to sniff the roses.

Don't Eat the Lillies!

In the kennel at the vet's office before her teeth cleaning.

10 comments:

Michelle said...

Aww that last picture is sad. She's so pretty. I hope they can do something to make her more comfortable and allow her more time with you.
I really hope that this cycle will work for you. Like you said, if there is a time for it to work, this is truly it. I wish there was something I could say that would help but I know there is not. I'm thinking of you though and hoping that this works out soon.

Nichole said...

I am so sorry! There just aren't words to say that can comfort you right now, so all I will say is that I am praying for you, DH and Muffy!
Big Hugs sweetie!

Jill said...

Oh honey! I am so sorry you're going through this :( Muffy is so pretty.... I hope this cycle works out so you can have something to hold on to.

((hugs))

Kacy said...

Keeping you in my thoughts....
www.infertilityinstability.blogspot.com

Dianne said...

I am so sorry, you and your cat are in my Prayers!

birdsandsquirrels said...

I'm sorry about the circumstances of the IUI. We did a cycle during some serious cat health problems, and it was definitely stressful, but you never know. Muffy is a beautiful kitty. I'm glad that she gets to enjoy some time to smell the roses.

Celia said...

Oh Amanda, it is always everything all at once. I am so sorry. Muffy is beautiful.

Celia said...

I am just so sad for you, let me know if there is any way I can help you.

Cassandra said...

I saw your comment on the Lushary...

Very sorry to hear about Muffy.

I also wanted to say not to give up hope on your pointless IUI. I thought that my 7th IUI had a 0% chance of working (if 2 IVFs didn't work, why would IUI?), and now I'm 13 weeks pregnant with twins. There's a lot they don't know about this process!

Good luck to you, if not this cycle then hopefully soon.

Hillary said...

Seeing the pictures of Muffy made me tear up. I'm so sorry :(

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