Sunday, May 31, 2009

Shock

Yeah, well, this has all been a bit of a shock lately. It's not like we weren't planning it, but when it actually happened it felt like a mistake. Like an Oops.

I really, really thought I'd never get pregnant. I've been preparing myself for that likelihood to protect myself from the disappointment for many, many years. I feel like this wasn't suppose to happen. It was TOO easy. It was clomid for crying out loud. Who knew clomid actually works?

And there is all this stuff I'm a little freaked out about now that I always put off thinking about cause I never thought I really would have to... or at least not for a long time. I don't know squat about babies. I've barely ever held a baby and I've never really even changed a diaper. We while were shopping for SIL the other day I realized I don't even know what type of car seat you're suppose to use. And how do you fold a prefold to fit a newborn?

A coworker mentioned cord blood banking the other day. I don't know what I think about that and if I think it's worth doing. And private vs. public school, and what type of day care, and all sorts stuff I've said I'll worry about when it happens. Not that it's happened yet, but it's looking more eminent.

And birth plans? Do I give a frick? I will do whatever it takes just to get a live baby out of this.

I've spent so much time learning about infertility and never really bothered to learn about pregnancy or babies or whatever.

And I'm pretty freaked that something will go wrong too. Miscarriage. Incompetent cervix. Eclampsia. Placental problems. Still birth. SIDS. Everything you can imagine.

I'm afraid of all of these things, but I can't let these fears ruin my pregnancy for me, but they lurk out there.

It just doesn't feel real yet. I'm afraid it won't be.

10 comments:

Celia said...

YOU PROMISE ME RIGHT NOW THAT YOU WILL NOT WATCH THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

There are some good books out there.

"From the Hips" and
"Your Pregnancy Week by Week"

For babies, Jo Frost has a good, very basic one. For parenting, Mama Rocks Rules is a good one.

I worked in day care for seven years, so while not a parent, I have a really broad experience with children.

You may want to watch The Business of Being Born, Rikki Lake had a great birth book too. Just for control obsessed people like us.

Amanda said...

Don't worry, I don't get the Discovery channel, but I'm well aware of the it's evils.

I bought Your Pregnancy Week by Week the other day. Since I'm not drinking, smoking or doing cocaine I think I have the first part covered pretty well.

Hillary said...

You'll be a great mom! I heard there's a very high learning curve and somehow you just learn it all as you go. :) And, you are PREGNANT!! Yay!

makingmemom.blogspot.com

Shannon said...

omg, I haven't read your whole post yet, but I have the biggest smile on my face. I'm so happy for you! Congrats!!!

Michelle said...

You will do great! I had the Your Pregnancy Week by Week book and it helped me a lot with all the weirdness that comes with pregnancy. Oh and the Business of Being Born is a good thing to watch!! I think I remember seeing you post that you have netflix, and it's a watch on demand type thing on there.
Oh and you said car seats...I'm seriously obsessive about car seat safety, and I would definitely recommend spending the extra and buying a britax. Safest, easiest car seat ever. I have tons of links and stuff I will share sometime if you want.
Just try to relax and tell yourself it will call come to you as you go. I'm sure you will do great :)

Shannon said...

OK, now that I've actually read the posts, I'm even more excited for you :) I definitely second "The Business of Being Born" documentary, as well as "Your Pregnancy Week by Week". You should also give your insurance company a call, sometimes they'll give you free stuff. I have to let a nurse call me once every couple months and they gave me a free "Mayo Guide to Pregnancy", which has lots of good info.

I also really recommend "Baby Bargains". I went through it chapter by chapter to make my baby gear decisions and found it really helpful. They give all the pros and cons, as well as ratings and detailed explanations of why you'd want the stuff, and what works best. Great buy.

I felt the same way at first - like I didn't know crap because I'd so insulated myself into the IF world and neglected to actually learn about babies. But you've got plenty of time to learn and prepare, and you will!

Celia said...

You are gonna be a great Mom!

birdsandsquirrels said...

It is a bit of shock, isn't it? I am so happy that clomid worked for you. You had been feeling so down lately about the LH stuff and talking about IVF down the road, and I am so happy for you that you won't have to go there!

I know what you mean about spending so much time learning about infertility and other assorted problems that pregnancy and babies seem overwhelming. It's a good thing that we have 9 months to figure things out.

You will definitely be a great mom!

Kischa said...

Congrats!!!!

You are living proof that good things always seem to happen when you least expect them to.

Trust me you will do just fine - if I could do it at the age of 17, and btw my little girl is perfect! You'll do great.

Sophie said...

Lol this sounds a lot like me. I do know some things about babies, thanks to having a brother 12 years younger than I am, but the idea of a baby coming out of my body seems like it'll never really become a reality! :P

Again, many congrats to you and your hubby!