Last night me and DH were discussing when we would visit his parents next and I'm apprehensive to do it. They are a fair distance away and you really need a 3 day weekend to make the trip worth it. But I don't like going because we never just visit his parents... no, it's a freakin family reunion 24 hours a day while we're down there. We all have to be in the same place and it's usually so bad you can't get a seat. The MONSTER children show up and their parents don't try, at all, ever, and I just can't be around that. Their's never anything for me to eat other than buttered rolls (really healthy stuff). People stay over until the wee hours of the morning (and the monsters are still up running around too, drinking mountain dew from their sippy cups). His dad falls asleep on the couch in the living room and snores so loudly I can't sleep, then gets up at 5 am and turns on the TV at full volume. Hygiene is not good and someone is ALWAYS sick. And they change the monsters' dirty diapers directly on the bed that I sleep on. The dogs jump up on me, fresh from the sheep barns. Yeah, I consider it a stressful situation that I'd rather not put myself in right now.
I'm sure we'll go down for Thanksgiving, but that is about all I can imagine handling at this time... and I don't know what will happen then, because BIL and SIL will be there with the baby and then the question will be does the family with the newborn baby get to sleep downstairs near the kitchen and only bathroom, or does the preggo chick get to so that she doesn't have to climb up and down the stairs of doom 3 times a night to pee? (Note, when SIL was pregnant we were sent upstairs so that she wouldn't have to navigate the stairs.)
But really the thing that bothers me the most about visiting my inlaws is that my husband forgets that he's married. Not like he hits on other women, but he forgets that I need to be considered. Like he could save me a seat next to him so that I don't have to eat on the couch in the other room, all alone. Or he could not disappear for the entire day to go play with rusty farm equipment and leave me trapped in the house all day. I get pretty needy (but not unreasonably so) when we are with his family and he doesn't realize that. I'm not emotionally strong enough to put up with that right now (hormones).
I was going some where with this...
Last night we were talking and I mentioned preecclampsia. DH didn't know what that was, so I explained and proceeded to scare the crap out of him (cause it's scary, and I have a couple of risk factors for it). So then I was saying that it might not be a great idea to get too far away from home because we need to be near a good hospital if that happens. So then we start talking about going/not going to his parents. And then DH accuses me of using the pregnancy as an excuse to not visit his parents... which is true. Normally I can deal with it all pretty well, but not right now and probably not with a newborn. And for the record, I don't like going to my parents' either, but they are close enough we can go for an hour or two and come home and I can regain sanity fairly quickly (and we probably see his family more than mine even though they are so much farther away).
Anyhow, it comes down to me telling him that his only priority should be me and the baby and keeping us both alive and healthy. Which he says he understands, but he clearly doesn't understand by the continued scoffing at my reluctance to visit his parents' house. This isn't just about me being paranoid and picky... this is from my drive to keep my baby alive!
From there I break down into a crying mess about how he doesn't get it that I have to worry all the time that I'm doing something wrong and could harm or kill the baby and it would be all my fault. Every bite of food, every chemical I touch or inhale, the water I drink... everything. He takes the whole healthy happy baby thing for granted. He doesn't realize how much I am doing to try to ensure it. And he will get it the first time he holds the baby in his arms. He will know the fear I feel, but he just can't contemplate the responsibility yet. It just hasn't hit him yet.
So, no, I don't want to visit his parents, I want to sit in a climate controlled bubble in a bomb shelter eating organic food and water that has been trapped in a pristine aquifer for the last 1000 years and bottled in a BPA free bottle just for me. Obviously I can't do that, but I can sit at home and cook my own meals and sleep on a bed that doesn't have baby shit on it already.