Tuesday, August 11, 2009

15 weeks

Dude, I'm freaking out here.

Nothing is wrong, nothing has gone wrong, but I am FREAKING out.

We've done a lot of telling in the last week or so. Now both of our families know, and I'm sure my FIL has told DH's entire home town (he's like that). Some of my coworkers know. The news is getting around. And I'm so incredibly nervous now.

Before if something bad happened, everyone didn't have to know. I could choose who I told it to and mourn quietly over here. Now, if something happens, holy crap, there will be no peace for me.

I started googling dopplers again yesterday. I am going to call my clinic today and ask about getting permission to use one. Because I can't take the pressure right now. And it doesn't help that I'm smack dab in middle between appointments.

6 comments:

Jill said...

I felt like that after I went to my HS reunion and everyone found out... but then I said "well, it's out there now" and just made myself let it all go. I hope you stop freaking soon ;)

Celia said...

it is never easy, is it? I wish I could chain the poor ultrasound tech to my waist so I could have a constant stream of reassurance. Each time it is a countdown to the next ultrasound.

I dunno babe, I don't think there is anything I can say to reassure you. But I am here to listen.

amanda said...

Get thyself a doppler! I rented one, and it was worth every penny. I used it daily, and it definitely helped with those inevitable freakout moments.

Mary said...

I bought one for about $125. Worth every penny. I told my Dr about it and he just said not to use it ALL the time, but it was fine. I've really only used it about 4 times now, but it's nice having the reassurance.

Michelle said...

I would definitely say to rent a doppler! From what I was told, they are great.
And 15 weeks already! It seems to be going fast (from over here at least!)

birdsandsquirrels said...

I know what you mean. I started freaking out last week and was tempted to try to forge the doppler rental permission form (my doc said NO to renting a doppler). At 20 weeks with little consistent movement, I would love that reassurance. Good luck!

I freaked out when we first started telling people too, but then I realized that if something happened at that point, I don't know that I'd want it to be secret. The devastation of a second trimester loss is something that most people can understand (not that ANY loss is worse than any other), and I would want as much sympathy and space and understanding as possible.