Tuesday, August 25, 2009

17 weeks

I'm all kinds of upset after this morning.

First, the baby is fine. That's the only good thing I have to say about this morning, but it's the most important thing.

Now everything else. Ok, not everything else, because this post is long enough and would get way too long, but here are some of the highlights.

-I asked too many questions at my appointment today and my OB got testy and indignant that she had to spend a whole HALF hour with me and that I was worried about things I shouldn't be worried about.

-I apparently hate the staff too and if I don't think I'm getting good care maybe I should go somewhere else.

What were all the questions I asked you might be wondering?
-I asked why she doesn't check my cervix and when will she start (she doesn't check unless I've had a cervical cone or a LEEP procedure otherwise she won't check until the last month)
-I asked if you can feel braxton-hicks this early because she told me I probably won't feel the baby until 20+ weeks and I've been feeling something (apparently it's more likely that it's the baby than braxton-hicks)
-I checked to make sure that they still weren't going to be administering swine flu vaccines there and if I should avoid the ones with mercury in them (apparently a supply is being produced without)
-I told her the side sleeping wasn't going well at all (to which she told me to take benadryl-for real, that was her advice)
-I told her I was having sciatica pains (which she agreed with but didn't tell me how to manage at all)
-I told her I was afraid of going off the baby aspirin (no sympathy, the best she could offer is to let me come in for a biophysical profile weekly after that, but my ins won't cover it because 'patient anxiety' isn't a medical reason, yes, that's what she said).

~That's it~
That's what I asked, it's really not that long of a list and I don't think at all weird of a list of concerns. I can't help it if MOST of your patients don't actively manage their medical care and would prefer to float along in the breeze, that ain't me, and I bet a lot of those women don't end up happy when they get an episiotomy and forceps delivery (or maybe they don't care, because they don't know any better, whatever, I do not want to be one of those women). I also don't want to quit my baby aspirin and have my baby die because I have an undiagnosed problem that we could have possibly identified and prevented that problem (not that we can, but can we at least talk it out a little?).

But basically at this point she starts (and I use this term loosely) 'attacking' me for all the questions I'm asking and I don't need to be so worried about everything. So I'm crying in no time flat, because I'm just a little tired from the not sleeping for the last week. Of course, the discussion get's longer because I'm on the defensive now and have to explain that I want to talk about things now so that I have time to think about my options and get comfortable with the situation. But then she starts saying 'she's not sure she's providing me with the care I want and that I haven't been happy with the staff and maybe I should go somewhere else....' (For the record, I've written a post appointment summary for all of my appointments on here and the tone for all of them has been very positive, I don't know if she was having a bad day or what but I haven't shown her any negativity in person or behind her back until now, she's completely of the mark, but you can judge for yourself ->1st appt, 2nd appt for cramping, 3rd appt, metformin discussion at 3rd appt)

-Yes, I think the PA is an idiot, and she shouldn't have treated me the way she did (I don't see what's unfair about that)
-I thought the LPN was a moron too when she went through a long list of questions at my first appointment and got to the one where it asked if we had a cat and then she said she didn't know why that one was on there (um, maybe because of toxoplasmosis? you'd think someone that works at an ob's office would know that).

I'm also not exactly happy that no one called me last week after the PA said that someone would, but I didn't say anything about that.

And during this whole take down, my husband is not exactly being supportive or helpful... I don't really want to go into it, but next time he can go through and pay for the fucking infertility treatments and then push the kid out himself, and then he can act however the hell he wants at the OB office. But until then, he needs to play the part of the supportive husband, or at least keep his mouth shut. He's not allowed to go back with me again if he cannot master this concept.

So I probably need to find a new OB now. Fan-friggin-tastic. But who? I've called and scheduled a meet and greet with Dr. L (whom I had scheduled to have my gynecological care with but then she left my old clinic and went to the clinic that my RE is associated with). Unfortunately I couldn't get it scheduled until after my next OB appointment so I will have to proceed forward... honestly, I'm tempted to skip the appointment except it's the anatomy scan and I'd really don't like the thought of missing that because I'm pissed at my OB.

And I'm not 100% sure that I'm switching... Despite how bad this post sounds, this is only #3 or #4 on the list of worst gynecological appointments I've ever had and probably at the lower end the top 10 for worst drs visits in general (great idea for another post). And we didn't leave things in such a bad state that the relationship can't be repaired, but things were bad enough that I owe it to myself to at least talk to someone else.

So here's the plan, my OB wanted me to make birth plan and we would go through what is and isn't possible on it (and if the appointment runs long, we will resume the discussion at the next appointment). I will do this and take it with me to Dr. L's and be able to do a kinda side by side comparison on who will provide me with the experience I want and be able to make a decision from there... that the decision may be that I need to find yet another ob because it turns out I don't like either of them. Of course, I still have an appointment on the books at my old clinic at the end of October that was suppose to be with Dr. L and since she left and my clinic never actually bothered to tell me (why I'd rather not go back to them) but it's still on the books and as long as it's not with evil ex-gynecologist, I'd be willing to go back there.

I'm exhausted. Sorry this was so long.


Hillary said...

I'm so sorry, that stinks. I know all too well how unsettling and upsetting a negative drs. appointment leaves you. I'm sorry and good luck figuring out what to do!

And for the record, I don't think you're being unreasonable!


Celia said...

I am smiting your ob. Smite!

I think it is good that you are not taking this lying down. If I learned anything caring for my Mom it is that you must advocate for yourself or the medical profession will roll over you. I have a distrustful relationship at best with most doctors and I hate hospitals. The right ob for you is out there. Maybe your relationship with this one is salvageable, but if not there is someone else out there.

Don't forget that a doula will advocate for you.

Michelle said...

Oh wow! I'm sorry you had a bad appt! I'd definitely look into other options if they are going to be nasty with you. There's no reason you should have to deal with that. Have you thought of finding a midwife or a practice that has one? I had horrible care with my obs but the midwives were awesome.
I do want to add that the midwives told me they typically check everything at your first appt, then not again till the final month, unless there is reason to believe that more is going on.
And..I felt movement around 16 weeks but wasn't 100% sure that's what it was till 18 weeks. And I started having BH shortly after 20 weeks. Mostly if I wasn't drinking enough or overdid things.
Good luck and I hope you can find someone more supportive and understanding of your concerns.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about the bad appointment. I don't think your questions were unreasonable at all. I'm so sorry that she attacked you for asking questions and being actively involved in your medical care. At the same time, I totally understand the hassle of finding a new doctor.

I was in exactly the same situation. I waited until after the scheduled anatomy scan to switch. The new doc isn't perfect, but she is better than the old one. I think it's great that you have an appointment set up with someone else. Compare the two and go with whoever you feel more comfortable with. And keep looking if you don't like either one!

I'm sorry that DH wasn't supportive at the appointment. That is not helpful to you at all.

The Wife said...

I'm sorry your appt wasn't good. Hopefully your the appt at the new ob will go much better. I can't believe you're almost half way there!

Sophie A. said...

How disappointing. Whenever I feel like I can't ask questions, I automatically switch. My husband has criticized me for this... but if it's my body, I deserve to know what's going on with it! I honestly think you should go with your gut. If you don't feel comfortable there, it's probably for a good reason. I can't believe she got frustrated with you asking too many questions. I'm not gonna go off on too much of a tangent here but, sad to say, I've found this impatience/need to rush through appointments seems to be a common problem among many physicians. It's tough to find a good one these days :/.

Chelle said...

You are not being unreasonable at all! Your questions are some of the same that I asked my OB and I didn't get treated that way! This makes it really tough-I'm sorry.

I know it is a struggle, but if it's not right, get out now!

Chelle said...

oh-I would stay on the baby asprin too, if you want to. I still take mine. My OB said, "just keep taking it because it's not hurting anything."

Just my opinion.