My little man is 2 weeks today. This would be a good time to be sentimental about time flying, but mostly I'm just scared of being alone with him starting Tuesday next week.
Because, this parenting thing is HARD. The BFing makes it harder and easier. It would be lovely to tell my husband to take him so that I can get a nice long nap, but I can't. But if we ever get accomplished with it, it will be nice to not have to worry about formula or bottles, but I'm worried we may never get that far with the problems we've had.
I think the stopping feeding on the right has hurt my supply. My right side has always had more supply than my left for some reason and cutting it back to pumping only a couple of times a day and no comfort nursing made me really nervous that he wasn't eating enough. Also, he's figured out what the pacifier is and wants nothing to do with it. I never had trouble keeping him satisfied before, but it has been a lot more stressful around here the last couple of days.
So today he was crying so much and I couldn't pump again for at least an hour and I couldn't let him comfort nurse and he wouldn't take the pacifier and I didn't know what to do, so I agonized and gave him a couple ounces of formula. I hated it. (By the way, formula smells gross.)
I've always felt there was more to the comfort nursing than just comfort so after the formula was gone I decided to say eff it, and if he wants to comfort nurse I think I should try to accommodate some of it as long as it doesn't hurt me.
I also went ahead and let him nurse off my right side again and it went really well and I didn't cry or cuss or anything. But even though it went well, I'm not sure if he still damaged my nipple more or not because a bunch of the scabbing that had formed seems to be gone... not sure if that is good or bad or anything really.
I'm still supposed to be pumping the right some and not put it back to 100% use for awhile, but the pumping is a giant PIA. I can't get as much as he gets and I have to do something with him while I pump, which is ok with DH around, but after DH goes back to work that situation is going to get much harder. And the only time he sleeps really well is after eating a bunch and passing out... but if I don't have anything to feed him he won't pass out. If I have to go back to exclusively pumping on the right, this just isn't going to work.
The one thing I have been REALLY glad about is that the labor and birth was easy and I didn't have a lot of recovery. But the thing that surprised me is that even with the world's easiest labor and delivery how much recovery there still is.
For one, the swelling got so much worse after delivery. The swelling wasn't just below the knee after delivery, it was my entire legs. I could barely pull my maternity jeans on over my thighs before leaving the hospital. It took a good 10 days to get back to normal, in fact, I love to look at my normal feet right now, I haven't seen them in months.
I also had really bad headaches that couldn't be helped. People talk about epidural headaches, but I didn't have one, so I think the hormones were at play. And I missed my flaxseed for several days, which always screws up my sinuses. It was pretty miserable living with 24hour headaches for about a week.
My back hurt a bit... not terribly badly, but mostly just to lay down. I wasn't sure if it was because of my pelvis pulling apart during delivery or the fact that I hadn't slept in a bed since nearly 6 moths. Around 10 days I started hearing these "pops" and I assume they were from my pelvis coming back together. After a couple of those my back felt much better again.
Some other things I wasn't expecting is the hot flashes and chills to be so bad. It took about 10 days for those to get under control. And digestive hell kinda broke loose for awhile too. I figure between giving birth, my intestines shifting about, hormones and cold chills, getting one of the antibiotic doses for the group B strep, and all the DAMN COLACE they kept shoving down my throat after delivery it figures, but not pleasant when you are trying to feed an infant and then have to go, NOW. (Amanda's tip: If you never had constipation during pregnancy and didn't have a traumatic delivery and didn't take any narcotics and they try to offer you stool softners, pass on them until you know you're having issues.)
So even with an easy delivery still look forward to swelling, headaches, backaches, hot flashes, chills, diarrhea, and, of course, lots and lots of bleeding. Thankfully, all of these problems were short lived. At least I was physically able to do all the physical things I needed to take care of him. We are VERY thankful for that.
Oh, but was he worth it.