Or the cause and cure for my nightmares.
Co-sleeping is not something that interested me. It wouldn't really work with our bed and a co-sleeper would not be able to attach to it either due to the style. DH sleeps like a rock and I legitimately fear him rolling onto the baby. Increased risk of SIDS. And how do you get the kid out of the bed when he gets older? And I knew I was going back to work and needed to get a good night's sleep. Whatever, just not going to do it. Not for us.
Then I had the baby. And the baby would not sleep at first if he wasn't up against me. In the hospital he had to be next to me. At home those first few days, I had to curl around him on the bed to get him to sleep. I didn't get any sleep, but at least my body got a tiny bit of rest.
It was also really interesting... I would try to lay him about a foot away from me in the middle of the bed (DH was in another bed) and jut try to touch my arm against him because I was deathly afraid of rolling over on to him. Michael, all swaddled up, would get on his side and wiggle his way towards me and then latch on to whatever he could. (I tell you, this kid never quit eating.)
It doesn't help that I never really figured out side nursing either. I just don't get it. I can do it, but it isn't comfortable. Not being able to side nurse comfortably just makes me feel defective in a new way.
The co-sleeping only lasted a couple of days. I think I actually got better rest just holding him in the recliner. But every night after (well, every night that I actually got to sleep in a bed), I had a nightmare that the baby was falling off the bed. I totally freaked out every night. I grabbed my husband for dear life thinking he was the baby dozens of times. Eventually, I got so used to the dream I would realize that I was having it and resist grabbing, but I still got woken up by it.
I completely regretted the few nights that we co-slept for the next couple months.
Then a couple of weeks ago, one afternoon on the weekend, me and DH were so tired and Michael was not wanting to nap, so against my better judgement, we all climbed into be together (cats too... not near the baby of course... they were safely cuddling with each other at the end of the bed) and laid down. I side nursed Michael (still uncomfortably). But Michael and my husband (and the cats) had a good nap. I may have nodded off for a couple of seconds.
My nightmares stopped that night. Crazy. It turns out, all I needed was a positive co-sleeping experience to counter the bad.
We are still not co-sleeping. But we did take another nap together last weekend. It is really nice being able to do that and I did enjoy it now that I know it doesn't have to cause more nightmares.