I haven't been doing well between work and home and baby and everything else. Really not well at all when it comes to most of it. Baby is probably the most important so that's where I try the hardest, but that doesn't really cut it.
I've been talking to DH a lot about all of it. I think part of my problem is that I used to have so much time to myself to sort through it all and get my shit together and now I'm running just to keep up and I don't have time to keep all the crazy organized.
I feel this constant fear all the time. It's killing me. Most of it is about work because that is probably the thing I have the least time for and probably the most demanding thing. I totally believe this thrush infestation is from all the stress there throwing off my "natural flora". Seriously, I don't think it's normal to get thrush after 8 months of breastfeeding. I'm pretty sure that stress can do that. Better thrush than a heart attack or something.
But really, I am just not healthy anymore at all. In the head I mean. I see myself turning into my mother right now and that scares the bejesus out of me.
I had come the the self diagnosis of anxiety disorder already and then I read this timely article. I could have said a lot of the things written in it. What is so scary is how they say it is so under-diagnosed and how it's not usually diagnosed for 9 to 12 years after it starts. I know it's been going on with me for awhile. About 5 years ago when we were engaged I gained weight on purpose to try to get my husband to take pity on me and skip the wedding and just get married. It didn't work and I was just looked fat in my wedding dress. That's just one example, but it goes back even further than that... probably all the way back to when I was diagnosed with PCOS. I've been this way for a long time and I'm to a point where I just can't deal with it all anymore.
I know that there are good drugs for anxiety and I'd like to look into those after I quit breastfeeding but I don't intend to wean anytime soon. The article mentions exercise which is a good idea anyhow and I want to start making a bigger effort there, especially if it will help me. Does anyone that has been through an anxiety disorder diagnosis out there have any tips on things that I can do now that will help me?