I was just getting ready to leave the office the other night and a coworker stopped by and let me know that I was going to be the last one out. I asked him if he could hold up a minute and we would lock up together.
I had been wanting to ask him if his wife was pregnant yet. He told me they were trying several months ago and I hadn't heard anything and was fearing the worst. So since it was just me and him, I asked.
Things are not good. They have been told that they can't have children. Period. The end. He said his wife was having a really hard time with it. I expressed my sympathy.
We talked a couple more minutes and I asked who they had been to. Apparently it was someone in town and had done "fertility treatments." Now, there are no REs in my town that I know of. No real fertility clinics. IVF is not a service that you can find here. So they have been to one doctor and I highly doubt it was an RE.
I told him this, but he insisted that they'd seen a fertility specialist. I never asked what the diagnosis was (I want to be helpful, not nosy) but I just started listing off fertility issues and causes and treatment options. I figures if I spewed out enough there in 2 minutes time he would get the sense that there are a lot of options he didn't know about. I reiterated to him at the end that there were not any fertility clinics in this town.
I said to him, that it's their choice to pursue adoption or child free living, but if it hurts their hearts, isn't it worth a 30 min drive and a second opinion?
Finally I said that if I hadn't gone up the road I wouldn't have a kid right now. Get a second opinion.
This 7 minute conversation is haunting me just a little. I'm glad that I was able to talk to him. I really hope that they get an appointment. I feel like I did a good thing, but it really brought the pain back to the front. I consider myself pretty healed from the pain of my infertility. Having a baby made me feel whole again. But I remember the pain better than I knew and talking in person about it really brought it back.
I think it bothered me so much because they are in that time still before the "first appointment." The time when you know you have a problem and are scared shitless of what you'll be told. You need IVF. You're hopeless. It will take a long time. It will cost you more than you can afford. But then I remember the good. The coming away from that first appointment feeling hope for the first time in a long time. That first appointment renewed my spirit and I'm grateful to Dr. C for it.
And I know I was so lucky. I had my downs, but I made it through with relatively little treatment. I never had to switch drs. And even though I was mentally done with my current treatment and afraid of the next step when I got pregnant, I knew I had that next step still available to take. If I had been farther down that road I might not feel the same way now, but from where I stand, I can appreciate the view.
But wow, the pain, it lingers still.