Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Mama Drama

I have been agonizing on posting again, hence the silence. I haven't been able to think of anything coherent to post about and then I resolved earlier today to just pick something and go with it. Then my problem solved itself with some mama drama. My mother more specifically.

Against my better judgement I asked my mother to come up and watch Michael for the day. I wouldn't have but I was going to have to do something all day for unemployment and DH couldn't take off. So with my other MIL 4 hours away under a layer of ice I asked my mom to come. But she was so good at his birthday the other day that I thought maybe we were turning a corner. Wrong. (stupid, stupid amanda)

She came up last night because we were expecting more snow. Last night was fine. Michael had some gas and was a little extra clingy because it woke him up from his nap and he was tired, but otherwise it was fine. She brought him a teddy bear. He loved it.

This morning was pretty good. I was a little annoyed when Michael woke up a 5:15am (like normal) and while I was going to the bathroom before getting him my mom got him out of the crib. No big deal, except she didn't turn off his crib motion monitor and set it off scaring him and sending ripples through the whole house before the crack of dawn. But once that was taken care of things were fine. I got Michael to nurse and he actually went down for a nap just before I left (perfect timing!).

Then I found out the thing I was going to should only take a couple of hours and I wouldn't be there all day. Then it only actually only took a half hour. I talked to the guy there for a while and that was interesting. Then I got home and he'd only been awake for about 15 minutes.

Since it was snowing and she'd come all the way to help I insisted that she stay as long as she wanted and she could even stay the night if she didn't want to drive home but around lunch time the snow was stopping and she was saying that she'd thought that she would leave. I asked her to eat before she left to give the road crews a little more time to work. And we had a lovely lunch while Michael gave us flirty eyes and at some cut up grapes.

Then we were playing with Michael on the floor and he was banging the stick and wood block from his birthday gift and my mom was going on about what a smart baby he is. My kid can bang two objects together, he is obviously a genius! But then she made a mention about my (2 year old) nephew being stupid. I defended the poor kid. I don't think he's dumb. He was slow to talk and is getting some speech therapy (and is showing a lot of improvement already). That doesn't make a kid dumb. Whose to say that Michael won't need speech?

But that was just her jumping off point to bitch about my SIL. My mom has hated my SIL since the great Christmas incident of 2009. Then she went from my SIL to my sister throwing me under the bus somewhere in there too. Yelling, crying and cussing. (Yes, dropping the F-bomb in front of Michael.) All of it everyone else's fault. She has never done anything wrong to anyone. And I should 'just wait until Michael does something like that to hurt me!' Ok crazy bitch. Just Start digging your own grave if you think I will put up with that crap from you.

I found out she basically picked a fight with my sister at Michael's birthday party too. I figured she had when my sister came up to me and was leaving all of a sudden, but knowing the deep level of dysfunction within my family I didn't even bother asking. It was nice to have that confirmed. But my mom basically got mad at me (sobbing and angry with me) for inviting people that would ruin her time with her grandson. Um, no. I laid it down right there. I'm not going to 'not invite' a family member just because you don't want me to (because you can't resist picking a fight).

The whole thing was just a ridiculous spectacle, like all of my fights with my mother. If I had been anywhere other than my own house I would have taken Michael and left but I wasn't going to leave my own home. I couldn't very well kick her out so I just held my tongue (for the most part) and played with Michael.

If she wants to talk to me like that, fine. But she is not allowed to do that in front of Michael. I really want to cut her out of our life but there are so many complicated emotions that I can't really see myself doing it. And what if I needed her in an emergency? I'm too pragmatic for my own good sometimes. I've got some shit to sort through.

And we'll be seeing her Friday because we agreed to visit my Grandma at the nursing home for their Valentine's day dinner. Joy. I would renege but my Grandma is doing pretty badly and I do think it's important to see her.

Also... feel very strongly that her presence and the anxiety (not to mention the yelling) caused Michael to go on a what appears to have been a very short lived nursing strike. I don't want to go into the details of what the issues were today because that's a post in itself, but thankfully he allowed me to nurse him to sleep like normal. Now I'm debating whether I should still pump my partially engorged breast. I hate pumping.


Celia said...

I still don't know what to day about this. I agree that you should not burn your emergency child care bridge just yet. You always have that option for the future.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry about the drama with your mom. I can totally relate. I would say from 30 to 50% of the phone calls I have with my mom end up with me upset and one of us hanging up on the other. She drives me crazy.

I am especially sorry for the effect it had on Michael. I know how tempting it is to want to cut her out of your life, and that is a tough decision. One thing is for sure - you are Michael's mother and you should do whatever you need to do to protect him from her craziness. If that means limiting her visits, or telling her to leave when she flips out (I know that wasn't an option yesterday), then so be it.

One thing that I try to do when I can keep myself calm is to say something like "It sounds like you are pretty upset about this. Let's talk about it later once you have cooled down a little", in my calmest preschool teacher voice. It doesn't ever really help anything, it just makes me feel a little more in control.

Chelle said...

man oh man, do I get it! I am sorry about the mama drama. I put up with it all the time, and I totally think it has an effect on the girls, as with Michael.

I have told my hubby, "one day, I am going to get fed up and cut her out of my life. One day." It seems that day comes closer, in my reality, all the time.

I feel for you.

Sophie said...

Family drama is the worst. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. And I completely think you were in the right in inviting whoever you wanted to his birthday. I hope he is feeling a bit better and nursing a little easier. Pumping is annoying :/, I agree.

Jessica White said...

How frustrating and upsetting! Yea, I would probably doing the same thing to save face to keep a backup in an emergency. *hugs*

K said...

Have you seen this?

It fits my mom to a T, and maybe yours. Oh, and on mine, add in a ton of physical abuse, a pointy nose and a giant behind, and you've got the perfect portrait of her. I just want to say I understand what you're going through. I cut her out of my life last year, after YEARS of agonizing whether to do so or not, and have never looked back.