I've been thinking about what I should write here after my little break. Some kind of explanation. Well here it is.
I'm not sure what I've been feeling lately. I just haven't been able to process things very well. I think I'm caught in some kind of in between land. I can't explain it much better than that.
I'm struggling with two things in particular: (1) being the parent I want to be and (2) what to do with this blog.
This community is filled with awesome parents. I'd like to sit down in the kitchen of some of these women and just observe them interacting with their children. The superhuman parenting skills of some of these women make me feel like a complete failure. DH had to go out of town for work a couple of weeks ago. By Friday afternoon I was on the phone screaming for him to come home completely unsure of how I could get through even the next few hours. Low point. It was then that I realized I could no longer deny how unhappy I was.
Which also led the the issue of this blog. A place I used to draw a lot of happiness from. I really enjoyed Mel's post the other week about needing your space. And I realized that I don't need this space anymore... at least not the same way I needed this space a couple of years ago. Blogging used to help me help myself, but now I'm not usually even sure what I want to write about. I haven't been contemplating quitting blogging, but I need to realize why I blog again and I'm still working on that.
So I took a little break. I'm still not fully back. Somehow, even though I'm not working anymore I have even less time to myself and I need to rest head a little more. I also need to create more. I'm just the kind of person that needs to be inspired and create regularly... even if I don't finish the project, just doing something is important for me to be happy. So I've used some of my free time working on little projects.
So I'm on a bit of a self discovery right now. I would like to try to post more about this and I will, when I can because the blog is definitely taking a back seat for awhile.
Michael... he's not striking a pose, he's just not too good at walking still and it looks funny. But he is modeling the linen pants I made him. I think I know why they don't make linen pants for toddlers now.