Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Unexpected news

I love my baby. We have so much fun. Just looking at his sweet little face melts my heart. I love it when he hugs and cuddles with me. And it's because of him that I can say this: I'm so glad that I'm not pregnant right now.

One of my neighbors had a baby a few weeks ago and she asked me if I would be interested in being her full time babysitter when she goes back to work. Honestly, it was kinda flattering and part of me thinks it could be fun (her baby is really easy going, which helps). But there is no way that I could. Aside from the very obvious issue that my own kid makes me want to run away screaming sometimes (and I don't mean that as a joke, Zoloft anyone?), but we have just gotten to the point where we can go and do and have lots more fun these days. There are some things that we simply could not do with a bobbly-headed newborn, and some things that would be extremely difficult with a baby and toddler. I know I could make it work if I had to, but the point is that I don't have to just yet. A part of me would probably enjoy the challenge, but I know that I'm not ready yet.

But it seems like everyone is pregnant again. And all due around Christmas for some reason. I suppose it seems like everyone is pregnant right now because I'm starting to think about it again and that's when you start noticing. Pregnant bellies everywhere! And again, I don't want another kid right now, but there is still a draw to pregnancy and perhaps my subconscious is more interested than I thought.

And although my mind seems drawn towards the idea of another kid and I get anxious thinking about taking care of 2 kids, I don't get anxious about getting pregnant again. I'm really not worried about that, for a couple of reasons.... First, I have a great little boy that fills me with contentment. Second, I'm an ovulating rock star these days, that definitely adds to the confidence. And third, we have excellent IF insurance coverage now and for me most of the anxiety about reproducing came more from 'how will we afford treatment'.

And now a story.... When me and SIL were pregnant we heard DH's cousin, A, say that she was getting the itch to have another kid. She was catching a little baby fever. This really pissed me and SIL off because she had the only 3 great-grandchildren in the family and those kids were spoiled at every holiday and family gathering. And A and her husband are also terrible parents and I often refer to her children as the "monster" children (a situation caused by really poor parenting, the kids are not intrinsically monsters, of course). IMO, it was time for her to take care of the kids that she had and let some of the other women in the family have the babies. I was glad that SIL and I were having kids around the same time and I like that the boys are the same age, but A having another kid at the same time just seemed like she couldn't stand that she wasn't getting all the 'mommy attention' anymore.

So now SIL is pregnant again and scheduled to deliver in November. Good for her. But, it got dropped on us over the weekend that A, at 38, 'without trying', is pregnant with her 4th. I thought I was going to be ill. I talked to SIL, and yes, she's definitely a little perturbed by the timing. And as Michael and his cousin were trying to sleep and the monsters were running around, screaming and slamming doors, SIL reminded me to remember this when A's new baby comes. Of course, it's not like it will matter, they don't keep their kids on any kind of schedule or insist that they get enough sleep or anything.

And then their's A's 37 year old sister that has been trying to get pregnant for about a year now and hasn't had any success. I have told her that she should go to an RE after 6 months, but she hasn't... I think she's in a little bit of denial about the difficulties... and with a Fertile Myrtle sister it would be easy to be so. But I know it was kinda a stab in her heart when she heard the news too.

And then there's A's mother that has raised those kids for the most part, providing free, full time day care for the last 9 years. Just a year away from getting the youngest in school. Never actually getting to play the part of Grandma because she has to be the parent most of the time. I bet she had to have drink after hearing that news.

So when we were all having lunch over the holiday weekend A's husband was looking for a place to sit and eat. He came into the den where me and a couple of others were sitting and said, "Oh good, there's no children in here." Not exactly the attitude that a guy that's about to have his 4th should have. I've had to shame that man into changing his baby's diaper because it was hanging down to his knees. And the most ironic part is that he is wearing a "World's Best Dad" or something like that shirt EVERY TIME I see him. In fact, DH has forbidden me to get him any of those daddy shirts because of the joke that A's husband has turned it into.

And I'm sorry if it seems like I'm making A having another kid out to be the worst thing in the world. It's not. Obviously. It's just very, very irksome because these are people that don't seem to enjoy parenting, don't to do a good job of it, probably can't afford it, are blessed beyond belief to begin with, and possibly just doing it for the attention. And I guess that maybe I'm still a little bitter about how easy it is for some people to reproduce. Sigh.


JW Moxie said...

I don't think that type of annoyance ever goes away. I still have it, and my family is complete. hugs

Sophie said...

I can understand. It is a frustrating situation. The poor kids, too. And I can completely relate to the first part. Though I'm still not Oing because I'm still bfing so much, I also feel like it's just not the right time. Mirabel deserves my attention, and I'm still trying to figure out how to balance being a mom with making time for a break every now and then :).

Michelle said...

I know exactly the type of parents you are talking about. I have one of those families in my family. I've recently completely pissed off my family by saying I'm done associating with that side because of the stress and hurt it causes me mentally.
I think babysitting a newborn with M that young would be really difficult till they could interact more. I've been watching these kids, and they are 14 months apart. it was pretty hard at first when the youngest was born and the little girl isn't even mine. It's just sad to see them have to share their time and not be old enough to really understand why their needs have to wait. Kinda sad...

Jessica White said...

I think having that situation around would irk just about anyone....infertile or not....having baby fever or not.

Kate said...

I'd be bitter too. A sounds nuts, and I'm sorry the rest of you have to deal with it!
I'm also so with you on noticing pregnant women everywhere again, and how many people with babies the same age as ours are pg again already. I don't think I'm ready yet, and I don't know that DH will ever be. I would like K to have a sibling though, even though I can think of benefits of being an only as well.