Thursday, August 9, 2012

A few self-observations

I noticed two things about myself over the last week or so...

1. I don't like pain anymore. I used to think I was a little tough. I've been through natural child birth, in a bad car accident, surgeries, and this arm mess all with little or no pain medication which led me to think I tolerated pain relatively well. But I had my physical therapy appointment Monday and he hurt me, bad. I know PT hurts, but, I mean, owe. Seriously. I was glad that Michael was glued to his dvd player on the other side of the office because I was worried about him seeing this man hurt me and not understanding it. I am so done with pain. No more, please.

And I think my PT realized that he over did it a little on Monday, because he was easier on me on Wednesday. My sympathies to those out there with masochistic physical therapists or living in chronic pain.

2. I don't cry anymore. It's not that I can't cry, I did the night I broke my arm. And I can shed a tear or two (literally, just one or two), but I no longer cry like I used to. Crying used to be a normal part of my life. It's not that I couldn't control my emotions, but they were just so strong that crying was the only healthy to deal with sadness for me. I'm pretty sure this is due to the Zoloft. I don't know that it's a bad thing... I'm not sure it's a good thing. Maybe this is how things should be. I've been depressed for so long, likely since I was a child, I'm not sure I know what normal and healthy is. It's kinda nice, but a little weird still. Maybe I just need to get used to it.

Maybe I just need to hook up with Jude Law.


Michelle said...

I hope that therapy gets easier. Sounds pretty bad. :(

I am thinking I need zoloft. For many reasons that I typically chalk up to hormone issues, but I'm thinking it's not really that anymore. I'm just lazy and don't take the time to go to the doctor for it. That, and my insurance sucks and I'm being cheap.

Rachel said...

Ugh, I really hope your arm starts to get better soon. I'm sure this is a dumb question, but if the PT is really to physically move the arm, can you take some strong painkillers beforehand?

Amanda said...

I could, except that I have to drive myself to and from my appointments. So a couple of Advil is all I can really take safely.